I am currently trying to find a way to help a son pull through a serious bout of depression, so thinking my own thoughts “out loud” here may help me with that, as will reading any contributions here.
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@Innocent_Bystander - Thank you for you posts.
Having some sort of goal or target or project does work for me. Until I complete them… And need to find another one (I am currently thinking I will built yet-another-guitar, as a project, for this reason).
How old is your son…? Is there a clear trigger for how he is feeling…? If so, can it be resolved - or is it an awkward ‘fact’…?
You mentioned perhaps rediscovering classical music and an interest in concerts.
We support our local symphony orchestra financially for a modest annual fee. One of the benefits is that there are regular meetings. I don’t make use of them now but I could see them being very good for me if I found myself alone or having gone through a lot of emotional change. They are a great way to meet people and ease into related things like shared listening. My mum runs a book club, I could foresee doing something similar for sharing music when I’m older. You would have a wealth of knowledge and enthusiasm that would be welcomed by others with similar interests.
I’ve chosen to share only what works for me rather than make suggestions.
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I have suffered two periods of anxiety/depression. Mine seems to stem from my obsessive personality and OCD, which unfortunately got too much twice. I’ve been on daily Sertraline for the last 10 years or so which has helped, as has developing strategies to help deal with OCD and not to worry obsessively if something were to be forgotten/not locked/left on etc.
My last episode was about 4 years ago when I ‘fell’ for a female work colleague. Nothing ever happened and she didn’t know anything about it until the last week of her employment when a colleague I had confided in took it upon herself to tell her. To some extent it was a relief as I had agonised about telling her for several months previously and being obsessive in nature, I became very anxious and depressed about what would have happened had she found out and felt similar. Telling my wife about it all was incredibly difficult for us both and I’m certainly not proud of the episode. I mention this as for many people they probably wouldn’t think much of having a ‘crush’ on someone else but for me it was a huge thing. Clearly I’m very fortunate that my wife (we’ve been together over 20 years now) did not up and leave.
Fortunately, 4 years later everything has worked out well and I am a much stronger person than I was then so in the long run things work out but it can seem like the world is falling apart when one is in the middle of it all.
Hope things improve for you and I would never wish depression or anxiety on anyone.
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Thank you - interesting (and logical) suggestions there.
Music - generally - is something that I would like to do more with - from Symphonic Metal to Symphonies…!! (Go To A Classical Concert is something I have thought about… but not, yet acted on. Maybe…?)
Thank you @AlexP .
Sertraline - ticked that box. Worked very well for me, to resolve recent Episode #1. But… I found that it made me drowsy, during the day. Falling asleep in meetings was noticed… 
But… when Episode #2 hit, I went back onto Sertraline again… and it didn’t work, despite having worked before and despite increased dosage. The consultant wanted to just keep increasing the dose - but I was near the max (150mg vs 200mg - ??). This cause an impasse - just what you want when you are as on edge as I was. Fortunately, a chance conversation with another patient, seeing the same consultant, resulted in the names Vortioxetine and Quetiapine being mentioned, as being effective & side effect free. The other patient had been on this before and it had worked for her. She had just convinced the consultant she should go on it again. So… I pitched them to the consultant - and he agreed. They worked - and still work for me.
(The apparent reluctance to prescribe these probably centred on Vortioxetene which was then on a NICE ‘trials’ list - it was relatively new & not yet fully approved. When I was signed off from the consultant, my GP had to be given written ‘permission’ to prescribe it. )
The episode you relate about your work colleague, could - as you say - have backfired spectacularly. Glad that it didn’t and your wife was understanding. Phew…!
Pleased that things have looked up for you… 
My own situation is really not so bad… 
I am just aware that I should try to improve things, if I can.
We are dead for a long time… 
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Ian - that’s a very frank first post. I have no useful advice to give but just wanted to wish you the best and to thank-you for your useful and informative contributions to the forum.
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The first one… You mean…?
As I posted above, my situation is one of managing my mental health and trying to improve where I can, while keeping all the other plates spinning… 
My contributions on here are made where I think I can help (and they help me, too).
I will not usually get involved in the X is better that Y exchanges. I stick to my own experiences.
Same with the tech stuff - most are based on what I actually ‘know’ - and not on speculation… 
[Naim Owner Since 1982 - with NAC42/NAP110]
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Finding the right Dr. to help keep your meds appropriately tailored is important. In 23 years of taking various anti depressants, I’ve changed multiple times as meds eventually seem to lose their efficacy. There are still practitioners out there who have their own distinct ideologies driving their practice which I find deeply uncomfortable as I believe that my treatment needs to be about my specific situation and needs.
Ultimately, acceptance of a situation can bring stability and allow appreciation of small happinesses, but it can come at the expense of many other things we’d prefer were different. None of us, however, live in an ideal world - just the one we’ve built our lives around.
I can only offer empathy and best wishes for others suffering from depression.
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That… would be nice. I used to have a really good GP, who seemed genuinely interest. But… she retired at the start of Covid… Since then, I have been passed around several different GP’s, within the same surgery. At least once, ‘my’ GP was changed - and I didn’t even know. Here’s hoping my present version will stick around…
Son is in his 30s. Combination of tangible reasons, or at least that is why it has all got the better if him (I think). It would be betraying his confidence to go into detail, but we are actively helping him with one (when he lets us), second his work is helping and we are enviuraging, third no-one but he can help with, and probably the first two need to be resolved satisfactorily before he is able even to think about tackling.
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That’s fine. At least tangible reasons can be understood - and hopefully, dealt with - or at least helped with.
I suspect i am not going to be much help here but anxiety has happened to me three times in my life each triggered by a major life change. I have never sought medical help or, as a result, used drugs to treat the problem.
This, I suspect, is the part that isn’t going to help much but on each occasion I have seemingly suddenly shaken it off, don’t know how, don’t know why.
The only marginally helpful thing I can say is that when occasionally I feel a recurrence I ask myself have you felt like this before? Did it end badly? And the answer to that is invariably no and the feelings go away.
Best of luck with your issues, believe me I know that what you are facing is not easy to address.
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Sorry to hear about your situation. Talking about it is important. Not only for yourself but for others who might be suffering in silence. I’ve been taking fluoxetine for nearly 10 years now and it has literally changed my life both at home and in the workplace. I didn’t seek help until things got really bad, but after a period of being on meds it became apparent that I had had issues for for a lot longer than I realised.
Meds are a tricky thing, I’ve had friends take the same as me and really struggle but then go on to have success with other types (sertraline, citalopram etc)
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Dear @IanRobertM
Thank you for starting this topic. Mental health issues are - unfortunately - something that can hit us all, which I have noticed some years back when our son got seriously (life threatening) ill. Until that point I felt I was pretty much in control of my life: doing well at work, steadily building a career, lovely wife, beautiful family and friends around to spend time with.
And then our son suddenly got sick and what followed was a 2+ year period of extreme stress and very hard work to keep afloat. Well that is, to keep work and the family afloat. And I forgot about myself. The extreme amounts of stress turned into physical setbacks, which I now understand was my body trying to tell me that I was derailing. I ignored all these signals, because “I had to go on and deliver”.
Luckily our son survived - through a miracle as we were very very close to losing him - and the hospital psychologist told us it would be a difficult year ahead. Others found the year following the treatment even more difficult than the two years of treatment itself. Well, that would not apply to me. Boy, was I wrong.
It started with feeling tired all the time. Like having a drained battery that would not charge anymore. Sometimes I took some rest, but could not really bother to relax, for example to listen to music, my big passion. I thought that my body needed to recover from the heavy years behind me. But then I started to notice that I did not want to leave the house anymore. By that time the pandemic hit us so I had to stay at home most of the time. I would only go out for grocery shopping. Until one day I got an anxiety attack while driving to the supermarket. I turned around and went home. But that was not a solution as we needed the groceries. 
It was at that point that I realised that something was really wrong. Of course I felt it already deep inside, I was just not willing to accept that fact. Long story short: for several months I only felt safe at home or in the office. All other places - and especially new places - would lead to anxiety attacks. So I started to see a therapist and another one and another one. All in parallel, because I am a hard worker and “I can fix this”. Well no, it needed time and it needed for me to live through my emotions, my biggest fears, like losing our son. That was hard, really hard. Am I “cured” now? Yes and no. I can pretty much go where I need to go again, but my anxiety level remains higher than before all this. I have accepted that it is now part of me. Actually, it was always part of me, but I tried to surpass it all that time.
What have I learned? Your body does show signals that something is wrong: stress. If you neglect that, the stress becomes stronger and develops into fear. If you neglect that, these fears develop into anxiety. It is your body trying to stop your unhealthy behaviour. Listen to that and slow down. If your battery is empty it takes long to recharge: weeks instead of days. Months instead of weeks. Recently I have been working too hard and the family asks a lot from me (mainly our son who was sick as he has Down syndrome with behavioural issues). I ended up in a traffic jam this week and I panicked. Not as much as I used to, as I now use breathing exercises and mindfulness to focus, but still.
So how do I deal with it now? I try to avoid stress where possible. I travel at different times. I plan my diary less full. I stopped doing some things, I started morning walks and evening walks. I avoid people that suck energy from me. I focus on people that give me energy. I have accepted - acceptation is a continues process and not one point in time! - that this is now part of me and it is here to stay.
And still I run into the old pitfalls. But now I see it coming and it is more a choice - in a way - that a surprise. Overall I am more in control of my own life now. My wife always stimulated me to say no, as I am a givver. Now she regrets that sometimes as I do say No now and then, just to protect me. Luckily she understands and she is supportive. 
I hope my story helps and gives new insights. Feel free to ask questions. I have little to hide on this topic. Also at work, where I am in a very senior position, I tend to be very open about this. It has led to beautiful conversations and I think I can genuinely say it has helped people.
BR,
Richard
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Not one I have 'tested… (my list - Valium, Citalopram, Mirtazapine, Sertaline and now - Vortioxitene)
But glad it worked and still works for you…
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Thank you - for you long & detailed post.
One of my aims in starting this Thread was to hopefully get people to share their experiences, both good & bad - which might help them (by sharing) and also help others in similar situation. It might also give some insights for those who have never - directly - experienced anything like this.
You post achieves all of these, in my view. Your ‘fixes’ are valid as they work(ed) for you. They may or may not work for others. I can very much relaste to some of the anxiety issues you list - being near incapable of doing the grocery shopping (Why?? Makes no sense - but it was real to me).
It really does take time. Lots of it. And you do need to look after yourself. No one else can do this for you. This includes sometimes having to say No. As a way to protect yourself - and to hang in there.
Thank you…
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On thing to mention is that, to begin with, the side effects were quite striking. It also took about 8 weeks before I saw any mental health benefit.
Another thing I realised was that my alcohol intake at the time was having quite a big impact. Red wine for example would really f me up for several days following consumption
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This is with Fluoxetine (aka Prozac, for US listeners)…?
I am pretty familiar with the various side effects - but Vortioxetine is the best I have ever tried. What downsides I do get, are due (I think…) to the Quetiapine - which are a lack of energy first thing. The ‘fix’ is to take the Vortioxetine ASAP…!!!
NB. These are my experiences - and are in no way medical advice.