Springfield Arizona
Knew you could do better mon ami.
Yes. But Dusty! 
The best, to really laugh, was the Jean Marie Bigard, about the guy who thought the lover of his wife was the one on his balcony.
Funny stories are not necessary the most intellectually refined. For me at least.
What do you call a Spanish streaker
Senor willy
3 Likes
Well, it was lot better than the sad bum jokes. 
1 Like
The action takes place in 2015
A man comes home from work with a lie detector robot.
His 15-year-old son comes home 2 hours late from school.
-
Where have you been all this time? Ask The Father.
-
I was at the library preparing an assignment!
The robot goes to the son and slaps him…
The father explains:
- My son, this robot is a lie detector! You’d better
To tell the truth…
- Okay… I was at a friend’s house and we watched a movie: The 10
Commandments.
And poof! The robot slaps the son again…
- Ouch! Well, yes! In fact, it was a porn movie…
The father:
- I’m ashamed of you! At your age, I never lied to my parents!
And poof! The robot slaps the father…
The mother laughs:
- Definitely, he’s your son…
And poof! A slap to the mother…
13 Likes
One day a madman sits on the wall of an asylum.
A motorist stops because he has a flat tire.
He wants to screw his spare wheel but he realises that he has no screws
The fool told him:
- You only have to take one screw from each wheel to attach the last one.
The surprised motorist told him:
- Well, what are you doing there, you’re not crazy!
And the fool replied:
- If I’m crazy, but not stupid
1 Like
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer responded, “This is my property and you’re not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States, and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you for everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently you don’t know how we settle things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘three kick rule.’”
The lawyer asked, “What is the three kick rule?”
The farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to bide by the local custom.
The farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to the rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pile.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “OK, now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”
17 Likes
A friend you used to be in the T.A. sent me this. I thought it was good.
“The Commanding Officer was about to start the morning briefing to his Company Commanders.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question - just how much was sex “work” and how much was it “pleasure?”
OC A Company chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
OC B Company said it was 50-50%.
OC C Company responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the CO turned to the Mess L/Cpl who was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Lance Jack responded, “Colonel Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”
The CO was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
“Well, Colonel, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.””
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Because the earth is flat , obviously
My father was a gifted mathematician.
Although he had a morbid fear of negative numbers.
It was so bad, he would stop at nothing to avoid them.
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A man starting dating two girls. One called Kate and the other a nowadays rarely used name of Edith. He loved both, and couldn’t choose, so he tried for a while to date both.
After a steamy date with Kate, they went back to his place and made mad passionate love.
His next date was with Edith, and again the date became passionate and intense. When Edith invited him to stay the night with her, he broke down in guilt and shame.
It was in that moment that he realized that he couldn’t have his Kate and Edith.
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Johnny Nash had a similar issue, dating Lorraine and Claire and being torn between them.
Fortunately Lorraine took it on herself to solve the conundrum by dumping him. He wasn’t upset, far from it in fact, singing “I can see Claire now that Lorraine has gone…”
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