The anaesthetist told me that he could put me under for the operation either with gas or by knocking me out with a large paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
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I was on holiday in China and took a chance with the street food and ordered a tray of fried locusts. The vendor said “Do you want flies with that?”
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Went for a job in a warehouse this morning. First question - can you make tea? Sure I said.
Right, good. Can you drive a forklift?
Strewth mate, how big’s the teapot?
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You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
Whilst we’re in the heinously-appalling-pun territory, a work colleague recently told me he’d be celebrating his birthday for precisely half a minute. Why?
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He was about to stop being 31?
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B-doom tssh!
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FIVE TIPS FOR A WOMAN …
- It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
- It is important that a man makes you laugh.
- It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn’t lie to you.
- It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
- It is important that these four men don’t know each other.
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I tried to change my password to PENIS. they said it was too short
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I’ve changed it to ‘INCORRECT’ - if for whatever reason I forgot, they remind me 
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The question is,what is an occasional table the rest of the time ?
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And where do you put your air guitar when you are not playing it?
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In the airing cupboard.
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