A lot of this thread focuses on financial matters and these are clearly important. I would just ask if your wife is committed to trying to rebuild the marriage. If genuinely so I wouldn’t discount resolving things as the hurt will ease with time. OTOH if the affair is symptomatic of a dysfunctional relationship you are likely best off separating i which case my advice is play fair but do use a decent solicitor.
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I became aware of this recently from a friend. If a child is enrolled in higher education maintenance is still required to be paid to the parent with custody.
Phil
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Nick, I’m sorry to hear of your difficult situation. Before you start entertaining thoughts of divorce, might I suggest that you think about what your future life would be like without your wife and whether it is something you could contemplate. If your wife has ended the affair, has expressed remorse and you also feel life without her is not something you desire then perhaps that is a good foundation for reconciliation…no matter how difficult the process of healing and regaining trust might seem.
All the best.
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As others have advised, I’m also advising you to, if possible, avoid using a solicitor and try to settle things amicably between yourselves. (isn’t “Decent solicitor” an oxymoron?).
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Thank you for all the advice.
The affair has ended although we all live in the same town so trust is a really difficult thing to rebuild.
She is remorseful and we are in counselling to hopefully try and hold it all together.
We both know that our relationship is important and we are trying to rebuild but it really is so damn difficult.
I hope we can make it all work between us but I do have to think about the consequences of divorce should we end up moving in that direction, but hopefully we can get to a good place.
Thank you for all your advice and support.
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Good luck.
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Not at all. The key is making sure that you first choose a decent solicitor who specializes in amicable divorce settlements then instructing them to achieve a fair and equitable settlement ( and not to try and squeeze the other side).
You are paying them so they should do what you want whilst also having a comprehensive knowledge of the law and pitfalls to be avoided.
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good luck mate !
i have no experience in this area but am married and with kids…
i wish you well
in the end its about companionship…i guess
i am a dreamer and i believe things can work out…
everybody makes mistakes
everybody is human
so do try to patch up…
at the end of our lives - we are better off with each other than without.
best regards
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Family law solicitors can help you get everything done quickly and cheaply if you can concoct an amicable settlement and advise you so that it goes through the court easily. If you’re feeling very raw, counselling can be a good way to keep healthy through it, as can regular exercise. Don’t ignore that side.
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If you both really want to make it work, you can - but be prepared for it to take time, and take it one step at a time. It of course varies from person to person, but trust can take a really long time to rebuild. This is not to dishearten you, rather something to hold in mind as a light at the end of the tunnel if or when you feel and fear the missing trust: With the close friend of mine I mentioned it, took maybe 3 or 4 years before the tension in his wife’s behaviour ceased to be very evident to me, a friend but outsider. Maybe 10 years before the affair was relegated to distant bad memory and all but forgotten, at least as far as I was aware. Then the stronger love started to become apparent, and now, maybe 20 years on, they are rock solid and she, the one who was wronged, clearly feels he is an essential part of her. At the time of discovery of the affair, if they hadn’t had children not yet in their teens, she would have walked out and never looked back, an affair being totally unforgiveable.
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In can also work the other way round. Even twenty-three years in my case, partly for our son, never really got it working again. It was like running a business with your daughter…
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