Elton John has always been pretty good regarding quotes over the years.I particularly liked the one regarding the time he rang the reception desk of the hotel he was staying in.“Can you do something about the weather as it’s far too windy?” Admittedly he’d been up for days after partaking in some Columbian marching powder and he was to comment later “It wasn’t a tantrum as such,but as far as reality goes, it was pretty far off the charts”
A really underrated rock ‘n’ roll wit is Dave Lee Roth of (sometimes) Van Halen. Here are a few for starters:
“I’m a family oriented guy; I’ve personally started four or five this year."
“We’ve all got out self-destructive bad habits, the trick is to find four or five you personally like the best and just do those all the time.”
“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it…”
“The problem with self-improvement is knowing when to quit.”
“I’m not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.”
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Don Maclean: “When people ask me what ‘American Pie’ means, I tell them it means I don’t ever have to work again if I don’t want to.”
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Grieg, I think. Just a minute I’ll ring him and check…
Lemmy:
“A kid once asked me, “Do you get hangovers?”
I said, “To get hangovers, you have to stop drinking.” 
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A perhaps apocryphal story I once read concerning Keith Moon walking through the reception of the Brighton Grand Hotel playing a loud tape recorder.
Asked to “turn off that racket” by the manager, Moon went up to his room, locked the door, smashed it to bits, detonated a cherry bomb and returned to the reception, “Now that dear boy is a racket”.
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Not really a statement but a great gag pulled off by Keith Moon, Viv Stanshall and an associate who’s name I don’t recall ( this and other funny tales are recounted in the Keith Moon biography Dear Boy)
Keith goes into an expensive upmarket clothing store and chooses an expensive pair of trousers. The associate comes into the shop and wants the same pair of trousers, argument ensues with Keith and friend fighting over the trousers and tugging them between them until trousers rip apart holding a leg each which they toss on to the counter in front of the horrified assistant and leave without paying.
In walks Viv Stanshall as a one legged man, Ah!, just what I’m looking for! I’ll take both!
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Lemmy on Richie Blackmore…
Someone had pissed him off so Richie slipped the guy a Mickey Finn. They guy wakes up the next day…naked…in a hire car…on a ferry to Iceland. (laughs out loud) What’s he going to do, ask a sailor for help?
The Stones were in the middle of a series of gigs at Madison Square Garden when Mick arrives back at the hotel from a night club at about 2am. With the idea for a number which eventually turned into Start Me Up he decided he needed Charlie’s help. Having enquired of the concierge as to Charlie’s room he knocks on the door shouting “I need my drummer”. Charlie opens the door in his pyjamas, grabs Mick by his jacket and says “for the record I’m not your drummer, you’re my f——— singer, understood”!
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I witnessed exactly the same thing in Salzburg, at the Mozarteum, during a concert by cellist Heinrich Schiff and pianist Till Fellner, after they had played six little pieces by Anton Webern and the audience had responded quite lukewarmly.
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Attributed to John Lennon, but no proof of his authenticity, although likely to be true: John takes a cab in New York, the driver turns a bit and says ‘Hey, you know you really look like John Lennon’ at which he replies ‘I wish I had his money’.
Another funny interpretation but seems not entirely true. According to Keith Richards bio ‘Life’ this happened in Amsterdam at 5am in the morning.
I saw an interview with Freddie Mercury before Queen had made it, the interviewer asked Freddie “do you think you are going to be famous?” And Freddie replied “of course I’m going to be famous darling”. More charming and a perfect representation of the musicians personality than humorous, but I just love the quote so shared it
There are only two kinds of music, good and bad, I play the good kind - Louis Armstrong
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I can’t listen to Wagner, I start getting the urge to conquer Poland - Woody Allen
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“Wagner: great moments, terrible half hours” - usually attributed to composer Gioachino Rossini.
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A line from my all time favourite film Manhattan Murder Mystery.
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Joe Walsh … I only got drunk once, lasted 20 years.
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Joe Walsh…i never got a hangover as i never stopped drinking.
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I don’t have a drug problem, just a police problem - Keef Richards
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