Poch Watch

Day 1.

We’ll he’s in.

2 years to go. Apparently.


And he faces a big challenge: a bloated squad, with some egos disproportionately bigger than their on-field performances, and massive expectations from owner/board/fans. I suppose Poch has had experience of that at PSG, which might help, and his challenge isn’t as great as that which will face the hapless guy who takes the Spurs job.


I reckon there are up to 17 players that are either in the current squad or are currently on loan that could be sold off as well as loaning out 4 others (Hall / D Forfana etc). Need to purchase a goalie, defensive midfielder and a centre forward. Will be interested what they do with Casadei and Santos, i.e whether they loan them or put them in the squad. Leaves an approx squad of 26 (includes Felix on further loan)…


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Hall needs to stay, as does Casadei - hope he can get Mase to sign - if Boehly has’nt ruined everything

Perhaps he could send a few down to his old mates in Hampshire, since even Theo (“It feels like I’m home”) is deserting the sinking ship!

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Day 2.

Or, it seems, Day -32 as he doesn’t start until July 1st apparently :roll_eyes:

However, Felix is not in his plans according to reports.

Sterling signing for Rangers 1st July……Dujon not Raheem…:grinning:

Day -31

Dujon has indeed found his way to Glasgow.

Poch has apparently had words with CHO about his future. I suspect those words include ‘…it’s not at Chelsea”.

Zakaria is being handed back. A little ambivalent about this, he seemed useful, but not special.

Kovacic is being courted by Man City for real. Seems they need someone to sit in the space that Kalvin Philips made his own last season.

And apparently, joining Poch at Chelsea this season will be a new shirt sponsor, Allianz. Nice, bring in a firm recently handed a $6bn fine for fraud, that will no doubt improve the club’s image around the world.

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Day -30

Well then, Poch may not be officially on the books (FFP new year apparently kicks in on 1st July, hence the Zombie zone) but it seems he is swiftly working his way through the squad sheets while scrolling through Made.com for a new sofa to put in his swanky new Weybridge maisonette.

Another mover highlighted today and it’s Ciao Ruben, Milan awaits. So much promise but never the same after he was crocked.

And it could be howay Felix as instead of returning to warmer climes, Our Friends in the Frozen North fancy a bit of Joao it seems. Best pack away the Ambre Solaire amigo and stock up on the lard.

Mason is definitely on his way to ManU.
Or Liverpool.
Or not.

Stories of Levi Colwill staying at Brighton or indeed being anywhere other than Cobham in the coming weeks have been laughed off. And here’s the proof:

Ignore the Spuds anorak, Poch hasn’t been able to afford a new jacket since PSG’s golden goodbye was lost in a National Bank of Liberia doggycoin account while en route to a tax shelter of his choosing. Allegedly.

I would like to mention the names of some new players apparently fancied by Poch for his starting line up and heading over to SW6 as we speak, but there are 147 of them.

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I wonder if he’ll bring big Room back. :grin:


Sorry. Rom.

Let’s hope he doesn’t get injured in the CL final.

Ah, I suppose he could come back if we needed some major help in our shooting practice. As a target.


Day -29

Little to report today.

Save Conor Gallagher doesn’t fancy moving up the A1 and apparently we’re signing some bloke I’ve not heard of called Manuel.

Oh and supporters have voted a 38 year old with a bit more hair than your typical Brazilian as player of the year. Frankly, he had little in the way of competition.

Day -28

He’s here, he’s there, he’s every f***ing where, it’s Frank Leboeuf…Today suggesting to Poch that Lukaku isn’t worth his £350,000 a week wages and should be allowed to leave.

No word from the manager yet, but I suspect the response would rhyme with ‘Moe chit cherlock…’

Day -27

News just in. Poch has named his squad for his first match at his new home at Stamford Bridge.

It includes:

Usain Bolt, Leon Edwards, Mo Gilligan, Ben Foster, Patrice Evra, Steven Barlett, Nani, Roberto Carlos, Francesco Totti, Kem Cetinay, Tommy Fury, Gabriel Batistuta, Lee Mack, Heather O’Reilly, Niko Omilana, Sam Claflin, Noah Beck, Maisie Adam, Kaylyn Kyle and Hernan Crespo.

Lukaku can’t even make it ahead of Lee Mack!

(Bizarrely, the opposition manager is Emma Hayes.)

Day -26

First signing of the Poch era and it’s……Kendry Paez!

Yesss, what a coup! Who’d have thought that the mighty 16 year old Ecuadorian hot shot would find his way to our little club? What? You’ve heard of him? Ah.
Mind, he must be taking the long way round, he’s not due to arrive until Summer.
Summer 2025.

And unfortunately, despite all the comedic potential, Manuel Ugarte ain’t coming. PSG have matched our financial package and chucked in a Decathlon loyalty card to seal the deal. Que?

Thank goodness for that

Day -25


Havertz out.
Neymar in.
Kante can’t make up his mind…

Pinch of salt on the first two. Especially as Neymar wouldn’t cope in the Prem.

And the Red Sea at the Emirates is apparently been parted to allow Moses passage from Brighton to the right side of town.