If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
He is proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
He proves Hawking’s theory that a black hole radiates some heat.
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Have you decided what you want to be when you grow up?
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Not so much put-downs so much as old-fashioned insults, but Oxygen Thief and Waste Of Clothes are two that I’ve heard used well.
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In my teens I had a summer job as a waiter in a cabaret. One of the bartenders, who made fun of everybody, used to make fun of my height, which was daring, as he was at most 5’6". On one occasion:
Him: “Hey, what’s the weather like up there?”
Me: “I’ll tell you what the weather’s like up here when you tell me what you’re going to be when you grow up!”
Gasps all around, as I had failed to notice that nobody batted things back to him, but he took it well.
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My partner came down stairs one evening after getting ready to go out, and uttered the feared line “How do i look?”
I was distracted and without thinking i replied
“if that’s the look you were going for, you smashed it!”
I thought I’d been kind, but clearly she didn’t 
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About 50 years ago my brother said to my balding father;
“An empty barn requires no thatch”.
To which my father replied;
“The greenest grass grows on the softest sod”.
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In a meeting my boss said " I suppose you think I am a boring old fart" - to which the response was “You’re not old, Rob!”.
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one of the best in the wine trade - Not his real name
“Yes Guy was a very good saleman, But I do wish sometimes he asked for permision rather than forgiveness”
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One from me…to the team that really let me down…‘I am incandescent with disappoint’
I see you’ve dressed for comfort.
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“Does my arse look big?”
…
“Do I look stupid?”
The pithiest I ever heard:
‘You’re living proof that ‘I think, therefore I am’, has exceptions’
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Darwin lived after Kant …
Why do you all call me Bottom?
'cos you’re a f***king arse!
One evening before going out my wife asked if “her bottom looked big in this” i, being of sarastic humour replied “lovey if you stood in the centre of the KC Stadium (Football stdium local to us) your butt would still look big” I think she found it funny??
Correct response to “you’re no wit” is “well I suppose you would know, being half way there”
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Not exactly a witty put down but my response to the (ever tedious) phrase “At the end of the day… “
“… it gets dark?”
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You must have 2 dcks you couldn’t be that stupid playing with one.
Another Rob Muldoon (previous NZ PM) quote after the infamous one-day cricket underarm ‘bowling’ incident (Aus v NZ 1981)…‘I thought it was most appropriate that the Australian team was dressed in yellow.’
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Glen McGrath - “Why are you so fat?”
Eddo Brandes - “Because every time I fck your wife she gives me a biscuit”
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