Well, thanks Max. Now I feel even worse about my efforts to play the guitar!
… and Ives is also known for that he wrote for many different instruments or combinations of instruments.
He was an actuary - says it all.
An actuary is one who finds accountancy too exciting.
An actuary is someone who knows a hundred positions but no women
If someone with a lisp says “bithnith”
You know they really mean business.
I did a degree in Ballet.
I got a 2:2.
I like to shout “mucho” to my Spanish friends.
It means a lot to them.
… and call the band Status Quo
Please note that I like Status Quo. They were really good at what they did, although it was uncomplicated music.
Their early stuff was actually quite good.
My mate Steve died in a freak boating accident last week.
We put a life jacket in his coffin, it’s what he would have wanted.
The Black Bra
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I, the third one, have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
‘Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we made wild love all night.’
Then I had to share my story:
‘When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”’
Coincidentally, my mate Sid died last week. He left me his EpiPen. He seemed quite insistent I had it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered
Think about it