Frankenstein entered a body building competition, only to find that he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
Every time I ask what LGTBQ is I never get a straight answer.
Two old ladies are attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over and whispered, “My butt is going to sleep.”
“I know,” replied her companion, “I heard it snore three times!”
This is good fun. I don’t remember it.
Again, I laughed out loud..
It’s fondly remembered in budding guitarists memories.
Unfortunately, in this Eric Clapton wannabe’s case, it is all too true.
I have been trying to play since 1989 with all the books from ‘play in a day’ to ‘Advanced Finger Picking, the McTell way’, with no success at all. I can play many 10 second intros, licks etc. & understand a lot of the theory needed. I hear lots of guitar in my head that I am sure I could play. As soon as I pick up one of my three guitars my head empties itself of all musical thoughts & I haven’t really got a clue of how to progress.
All the gear, no idea sums it up well.
Still, I can console myself with the thought that I was probably a far better insurance broker than either Clapton or McTell would ever have been if they had had the inclination to do a proper job…
Eric Clapton dies and goes to heaven.
Saint Peter is showing him around when Clapton sees 3 people in the distance.
He asks Saint Peter “Who are those three guys over there?”
“Well…” Saint Peter begins “the guy on the left is Jimi Hendrix, the guy in the middle is Jim Morrison and the guy on the right is Bono.”
“But Bono’s not dead!” Clapton interjects.
“Shhhhhh!” Saint Peter whispers. “That’s GOD! He just likes to pretend He’s Bono!”
A Texas rancher goes to Australia for a holiday. There, he meets an Aussie farmer and they get talking.
The Aussie shows off miles of wheat growing.
The Texan says, “We have wheat fields twice as big.”
Then, as they walk around, the Aussie shows off his herds of cattle.
The Texan replies, “We have longhorn cows twice as big.”
They go for a drive, but the conversation dies down—until a herd of kangaroos hops past.
“And what on earth are they?” asks the Texan.
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look,
“Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”
Yes, in 1989 I thought it would be this easy…
A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?”
First a little girl in the back of the class says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher says, “Sorry Anne, but the sky can be grey or orange….”
Second little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.”
“Sorry,” says the teacher, “but in the Autumn the trees are brown.”
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, “Does a fart have lumps?”
The teacher looks horrified and says, “Johnny, of course not!”
“O.K, then I DEFINITELY sh*t my pants…”
The father of modern American music, Charles Edward Ives, worked his whole at his own insurance company and only composed on weekends. He’s remembered as a pioneer in insurance by many who ignore that he was a musician..