Then the doctor says to Fletcher " are you a practising homosexual ?"
Fletcher " what with these feet"
Fletcher had been on about having bad feet so as to try and get a job in the kitchen.
It is funny I can remember that line from that film from years ago, but I cannot remember why I came upstairs!!!
My Porridge favourite has to be: camera shows Godber from behind doing press-ups on the cell floor as Fletcher walks in with the line “Anybody we know, Godber?”.
Another good one from the movie when McKay leaves the cell and they both munch an apple. 
Poignant moment
McKay on the landing.
Wing singing for he’s a jolly good fellow.
I said to the wife “Your underwear is too tight and revealing”
She said “Wear your f@cking own then”
Knowing how dark medical humour can be, I can’t help wondering if the display flatlines around the corner…
What is a metronome?
A city dwelling dwarf.
True this, we went for a drink at a seaside pub of sorts the other night, every beer was £3 a pint and it had floor to ceiling shiny gold tassels and hard shiny floors. We went to the bar, ordered three pints, two ciders and a gin and tonic.
“Do you want ice in the gin?” Said the bloke at the bar.
“”Do you want ice?” I called over to our seats.
“No, just some lemon in it please…” She called back.
Barman says “What’s she think this is, a fruit and veg shop?”
I asked my hairdresser what cut would make me look good.
He said “a power cut”
Years ago, somewhere on the Northumberland coast line with a couple friends and called into a pub.
They went to the toilet whilst I ordered the beers, when a local came up to me and said, “We think that you’d be better off in another pub”.
Friends came out the toilet, and came to me at the bar and I took us all out of the bar. My mate’s missus said, “What’s up?”, “Don’t ask, just walk”, I replied
Next pub was fine.
Crafty
Brilliant!