I used to work with a bloke called Keith.
Only we called him Keth because he had an eye missing.
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Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland .’
The other guy responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first guy says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be’?
The other guy answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’
The first guy responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Sure and begorra. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?
The other guy says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first guy says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going’?
The other guy answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’
The first guy gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other guy answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first guy exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it? I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian’? ‘The Murphy twins are pissed again.’
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Sitting together on a train travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a solid middle aged Greek lady, and a pretty young Swiss blonde girl.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Australian bloke has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The Greek lady thinks: The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That Australian bloke must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the Greek lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Australian thinks: The Kiwi bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark, she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Kiwi thinks: I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can smack the Australian again!
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Told by John Etheridge when asked by Gordon Giltrap if he had any jokes Ronnie Scott used to tell.
John said when Ronnie was on stage and got heckled he’d say - thank you sir that is a nice suit you’re wearing - there must be a Ford Anglia somewhere missing it’s seat covers.
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While creating husbands, God promised women that good husbands would be found in all corners of the world.
And then God made the earth round……………..
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Fun fact: I’ve played in a trio with John Etheridge. Just the one evening, but still…
Ronnie’s stage repartee was legendary. One of my favourites is, at the end of an evening, ‘Thank you; you’ve made a happy man very old’.
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Sex worker: “What’s this play about, then?”
“Ralph Bashford” (acting in Romeo & Juliet as the nurse): “Well, there’s this nurse…”
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True
