Courtesy of Private Eye
11 Likes
I remember my mother used to wash me in beer.
I later learned that I was Fostered.
17 Likes
What do you call a confused chap with no legs ?
Stumped.
5 Likes
I’ve never heard Fosters being referred to as beer before.
13 Likes
I’m told it is like making love in a punt.
3 Likes
Mmm. Should have included “However” at the start of the second line.
Pork pie walks into a bar.
Landlord says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.
9 Likes
A white horse walks into the bar.
Barman says ‘Hah, we’ve got a whiskey named after you”
“What, Keith?”
8 Likes
A bloke with a girraffe, a sandwich, a white horse, a lobster, some jump leads, a duck, an Englishman Irishman and a scotsman all walk into a pub
The landlord says
This has got to be a joke
9 Likes
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says “Why the long face?”
5 Likes
Alien walks into a bar “A pint please”
Barman “We don’t serve aliens here”
Alien “What if I buy everyone else in this bar a drink”
Barman “Ok”
Barman sorts out drinks for everyone.
Barman “That’ll be £1,563 please”
Alien “Do you have change for a 10 Ningi note?”
8 Likes
Buddhist walks up to a hot dog van at a country show.
“Can you make me one with everything?”
5 Likes
Why do policemen have bigger balls than firemen?
They sell more tickets.
3 Likes
Strewth, we’re scraping the barrel this morning. 
3 Likes
Come on then, offer one up 
Buddhist to hot dog man “Where’s my change?”
Hot dog man to Buddhist “Change comes from within”
8 Likes
“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
“No sun”
14 Likes
Man walks into a bar…ouch, it was an iron bar.
3 Likes