I got kicked out of a Vietnamese restaurant for drunken behaviour.
They banh mi pho life.
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An ‘Omegawd’?
G
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A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked, ‘Do you have health insurance?’
He replied in a raspy voice, ‘No health insurance.’
The nun asked, ‘Do you have money in the bank?’
He replied, ‘No money in the bank.’
The nun asked, ‘Do you have a relative who could help you?’
He said, ‘I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.’
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, ‘Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.’
The patient replied, ‘Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.’
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Bank robber walks into a bank and shoots a bullet into the ceiling. Everyone dives to the floor. In all the confusion, his balaclava slips. Putting it back into place, he asks one of the men “Did you see my face?”. “Yes, I did” he says. BANG! he shoots him. He looks at a second man. “Did YOU see my face?” “Yes, I did” BANG! He shoots him. He looks at a third man. “Did you see my face?” “No, I didn’t - but my wife did”
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Real life, however…
At the first “International Feminist Conference” in San Francisco in the early 1970’s chaired by Germaine Greer.
During the final session:
Agitated male attendee, shouting: “It would be so much easier if you’d just tell us, what do women want? Really, what do you want? Tell us!”
Germaine Greer: “Let me put your mind at rest. Honey, whatever it is women want, it isn’t you”.
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During a recent flood in a small town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy. As they sat watching articles float by in the water, they noticed an old hat go past..
Suddenly, the hat turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, again it turned and came back. They watched as it did this a number of times.
“Do you see that hat?” said the girl in amazement. “First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back, then it goes back downstream and then it comes back again.”
“Oh, that’s nothing, it’s only my dad,” replied the boy. “This morning my Mum said that come hell or high water, he had to mow the lawn today.”
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Teacher’s pet gets up and says, “Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious.” “Well done," says the teacher, “can anyone else try?” Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, “My grandma says there’s a bug going round, and it’s contagious.” “Well done, Katie,” says the teacher. “Anyone else?” Little guy jumps up and says “Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch paint brush, and my Dad says it will take the contagious.”
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O dear, that’s a Skeptical joke 
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I know that boy. His name is Johnny.
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Sorry.
1 Like
