Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
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I can’t stop singing Frank Sinatra songs, I think I might have the croonervirus.
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There are 19 Magpies roosting in a tree at the bottom of my garden. Do I need to self isolate as at the moment I dont feel too bad?
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I don’t know what my expectations are until they’re not met
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Boris Johnson now sings ‘Happy Birthday’ every time he washes his hands just in case it’s one of his children’s birthdays.
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I don’t believe in reincarnation.
What would be the point of coming back as a tin of milk?
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I was really annoyed the other day when the staff at the Odeon Cinema said that they wouldn’t accept a £50 note when I was paying for my Pick n Mix . In the end I had to pay with 2 twenties and a ten .
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100% true story. Years ago, my mum actually knew a lady whose name was Teresa Tickle, but everyone called her Tess.
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You had to balance it with circumferentially-even, radially-weighted and fatty-corrected kid-distribution, or you’d rip it out of the ground. Don’t ask me how I know.
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Most of the time you’d break it. There disappearing here replaced by modern fold up things or even worst some just use a clothes dryer.
We had a similar, purpose built, contraption in park playground when I was a kid.
Shaped a bit like a rotary clothes line but made of steel, with hanging hand straps at the end of each spoke.
Fixed height above the ground, so there was quite a narrow age range for it to work, at 8 you couldn’t reach the straps, by 14 you couldn’t dangle off it as your feet now touched the tarmac (!) beneath. But for a bunch of 11 year olds, all within the ‘designed for’ age range, on the way home after school it was mega fun, pogoing off the ground and spinning round at ever increasing rpm, seeing if anyone could shake off fat Barry. And mega dangerous. Nothing else came close to approaching the number of injuries inflicted on us!
Kids today don’t know what they’re missing.
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Alternative facts: aversion of the truth.
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My uncle cut he’s assistants head off yesterday. He’s not a bad man just really poor magician.
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Breaking Coronavirus update!
John Lennon airport has been quarantined.
Imagine all the people.
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I have a 24 pack of Aldi toilet rolls.
Looking to swap for a 3 bedroom house.
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