oh man; âeveryone saysâ The Descent.
I hate that movie.
Doesnât help that I have felt claustrophobia, perhapsâŚ
I went to the cinemas to see âClerks IIâ ( a comedy and a genre I actually watch)
Clerks 2 is a Kevin Smith movie and I wanted to show support for the sorts of movies and scripts he was doing, so was determined to see Clerks 2 in an actual cinema. (day one disc purchase too)
I typically watch a movie in the cinemas once every few years⌠(Indiana and the Crystal Skull , and the Pirates movies franchise seemed to be my reasons over the last two decadesâŚ) so seeing Clerks 2 in the cinema nearly flew by before I made it in to see.
On some random day I was following my heart strings⌠I had stopped to get a snack in an unfamiliar city, and âshopping areaâ, and when walking around the mall, had found myself in one of those âhippy/new ageâ stores, and buying a small rainbow coloured pocket bag and some crystals etcâŚ
an âamazing and chilled dayâ.
on way out of mall, saw a cinema.
Saw a sign âClerks 2â
remembered how much I wanted to support it and decided to âbuy a ticketâ.
was the last day of screening. was lunchtime on a weekday.
cinema was EMPTY.
I had had this experience beforeâ, watching âFalling Downâ (a Michael Douglas flick); a completely empty cinema session⌠kinda cool, but âno one to throw jaffasâ at -(jokes!)
Now if the classification for a movie is R18+, the previews for âother moviesâ can be R18+
Clerks is an R18+ comedy. Not many R18+ films with cinema release that decide to go without ticket sales in order to keep a couple of âadult jokesâ⌠R18+ comedies are, for logical reasons, not the lionshare of R18+ releasesâŚ
Horror IS.
So in an offshoot from an unloved and âemptyâ mall, was a cinema complex that was empty, âempty car parkâ and âno one aroundâ,⌠I found the one dude with a mop bucket to âsell me a ticketâ, and then proceeded to walk past several âmain screensâ, to the BACK OF THE CINEMA complexâŚ
it had been more than a kilometre of walking around and having NOT SEEN ANYONE, was a surreal day, and the empty cinema session felt really âdesert islandâ lonelyâŚ
I sat a fair way towards the back, in the middle, but a few seat off centre,⌠further from the entrance.
Right as the previews start, and the lights dim, another person enters the session.
It is darker now, and the only way to make them out is from the light of the screen⌠they are a largish man, and they see me, and for some reason choose a row two in front of mine, and one spot to the right of me.
In this huge room with many hundreds of seats they are three seats away,⌠(âtwoâ as the crow flies)
first preview is over⌠I wasnât paying attention.
something with a lake, perhapsâŚ
second preview starts.
a comedy. (yay)
couple of jokes have me laughingâŚ
out loud, sure,⌠but âlow keyâ - I wouldnât imagine I was audible over the cinema surround sound blaringâŚ
The guy turns around and says a joke, a quip based on a scene in the preview.
the remark is funny, and I laugh both timely and naturally⌠(at this point, I was having a GREAT DAy) the person, acknowledges me and turns back to the screen.
preview continues, plenty of humourâŚ
right at the end there is another chance for an âaudience quipâ- I thought of something appropriately funny (it wasnât forced- if my partner had been there Iâd have shared it impromptu, for sure), and during the last quiet moment before trailer preview changeâŚ
The guy right in front of me turns around. Super serious look on his face. (a type of humour here in Australia).
Quiet.
Followed by âŚ
absolute quiet. (a few more seconds)
and then a preview for âthe Descentâ comes up.
(I hate that movie)
now - my humour, since sixteen, has been to not use âput downsâ, non derogatory is the term, I believe.
Whilst the joke I shared was funny, the serious silence that I was met with (again âa type of humourâ itself) was borderline intimidating.
To then have to sit through a few horror trailers with an unknown entity that is willing to break social conventions⌠(turned around in a cinema to share a joke with another audience member) isnât âa thingâ.
On the day in question at least one of us had been drinking. (and continued to drink during the movie)
I drove to the cinema, and drove away from the cinema, and I donât drink and drive ;-), so Okay, it was âthemâ.
but,⌠years later,⌠I shared a house with a couple who LOVED horrors.
They had just bought a big screen TV, and sound system, and had started renting horrors âby the bucketloadâ from the local blockbuster.
The asked for any requests, and I stated itsâ not my genre,⌠but if they wanted a recommendation, The Descent, would be it.
(I had known horror genre afficondos who had to watch âduring the dayâ, âwith the curtains openââŚ)
My awesome housemates proceeded to get âthe Descentâ (next day) and we watched it together, against my better judgement, later that night.
As a parent, I had returned Fallout 4 to the shop because it had mutants with âmelted facesâ and wasnât the same game as Oblivion, for my five year old to âwake upâ and see Dad playingâŚ
The filters I worked hard to keep in place to keep my house âappropriatelyâ imagination friendly⌠(think Stephen Fry doing the intro voiceover for Little Big Planet)âŚ
The Descent is the exact opposite of what I wanted in my life/my mind or even to be found in a safe sanctuary I call home.
Does have plenty of insta shock and psychological shock moments, and is certainly a top tier horror flick.
(Has a sequel too)