Lol… I’ll get your coat 
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Don’t think so, Uranus is gaseous in nature.
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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.
They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted he didn’t often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighbouring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish – that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
The frog replied it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish Mr. Bear was gay.” and rode off as fast as he could!
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Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s”
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The view from behind the listening position?
I seem to recall a near identical story from decades ago, with Robert Maxwell the CEO (before his demise). In that story, the alleged “slacker” was a painter. I’d take both with a pinch of salt.
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If it’s linked to Maxwell it’s probably true.
Years ago the BBC were following him, filming a documentary. During the filming he bought the Daily Mirror. On entering the Mirror building for the first time he told his minions that he would be addressing the staff in the canteen in 10 minutes.
He then marched off with a senior Mirror employee in front to show him where the canteen was. He immediately told the man, in no uncertain terms, that it was his company & that no one was to be in front of him.
He then blundered off with the rest of the group following, looking like schoolboys who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.
Unsurprisingly, he led them straight into a dead end store cupboard…..
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That one I do believe, being friends with several folk whose pensions got swallowed in the collapse.
Yes, it’s true. I saw it in the documentary.
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whisky, you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another whisky you bitch!” Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach. “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I’ll kick your ass!”
Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, “For someone who can’t fly, you’re a ballsy bastard!”
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A lady approaches a priest and tells him,
“Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’”
“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
“Thank you!” the woman responded.
The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house.
His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”
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