steve
16 Likes
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
Coincidence?
25 Likes
I got the wife a pug dog. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.
18 Likes
I made my octopus laugh the other day. I gave it ten tickles.
8 Likes
I attempted to give my dearly beloved two test tickles but all I got was a slap round the face.
6 Likes
I told my boss I wouldn’t be coming into work as I had been told to take it easy. He asked, “Who told you that, your doctor?” “No,” I said, “The Eagles”.
7 Likes
London buses have been invaded by Cybermen!
29 Likes
If you haven’t tried blindfold archery…
…you don’t know what you’re missing.
14 Likes
I’m out bird watching with Sinead O’Connor.
So far, it’s been seven owls and fifteen jays.
19 Likes
The secret service no longer yell “Get down!” if the US President is about to be attacked, they now have to shout, “Donald, duck!”
14 Likes
Actually at Blind Veterans UK formerly St Dunstans in Sussex near Brighton they do Archery
1 Like
“What would you like?” says the barman.
“What would I like?” says Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife.”
“No,” says the barman, patiently. “I meant what do you want?”
“To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!”
“What’s it to be?” says the barman, less patiently.
“A boy or a girl, I don’t care”.
“You misunderstand me” says the barman impatiently, “I only asked what you want to drink?”
“Oh” says Bob, I see. “Why didn’t you say so? What have you got?”
“Nothing at all” says the barman. “I’m perfectly healthy”.
8 Likes
4 Likes
A Roman walks into a pub, sticks two fingers up at the barman and says “Five beers please”
24 Likes