The Lord works in mysterious ways!
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That’s a big toothbrush!
People say the man who sold me invisible hearing aids is a conman, but I won’t hear a bad word said about him.
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I’ve been watching on the news about all those freshers at university being told to stay indoors and wash regularly.
Well, they do call it the clearing system.
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An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”
No one moved.
The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”
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I bought one of those new U2 sat navs the other day but it doesn’t work very well. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
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“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
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You don’t fool me! They are incredibly intelligent. I have been reading their publications all my life. They have in recent years caught up with the digital age with audio books and expanded their business into speaker building with the Jern loudspeakers.
Emperor Penguin (6th Sept 2007, ISBN: 9780448446646)
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Don’t get in a pillow fight with Death unless you can handle the reaper cushions.
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I’ve just accidentally sent a naked photo of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only is it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
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Stone Hinge…
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That the one in Australia?
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