What did it say ‘Don’t stand so close to me’ ?
I believe he was quite emphatic about it being an S.O.S … Much to the chagrin, I imagine, of this fellow 
Reminds me of the Herald Of Free Enterprise disaster, when a sharing of sadness at it in the pub one evening became a furious argument when one of my acquaintances had become an overnight expert on RoRo ferries to the point where he was apparently able to identify every failing in the design and implementation.
Anyway. You might think sales assistants in Homebase are slow to help, but they don’t half get a shift on as soon as you fire up a chainsaw.
It could have been from the occupant of an adjacent desert island saying ‘I’m Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley’ …for those of us of a certain age!
Robots.
He’ll get through it With A Little Help From His Friends
Take him where…hope it’s not Pawnographic!
After a few spells in & out of prison I’ve decided to sort my life out, starting with volunteering at the local archery club fixing their bent equipment.
My probation officer is pleased to see me on the straighten arrow.
I’ve taken up blindfold archery. You should try it; you don’t know what you’re missing.
Two blokes were done for stealing a calendar. They got 6 months each.
What do you call two blokes holding up a window covering? Kurt & Rod.
A couple are on their wedding night and the bride says to her new hubby ‘look you need to know this, I used to be a hooker. Are you ok with that?’
He says ‘yeah, fine, in fact the thought of it turns me on a bit. Is there anything more you want to tell me about it?’
She pauses, and says ‘well ok then. I used to be called Brian, and I played for St Helens for 20 years.’
Obvs not the hooker joke that goes:
the bride says to her new hubby ‘look you need to know this, I’m a hooker. Are you ok with that?’
‘No problem at all’ he says. ‘I used to be one too. You need to adjust your stance a bit, feet forward, hold the club nearer the top of the grip and address the ball in one smooth action. That’ll cure it in no time.’
My wife got an email from her employer today. Health and Safety. Part of which I copy:
Hand sanitiser falls under COSHH regulations.
The control measures listed on the suppliers Safety Data Sheets for the use of such hand sanitiser include:
-
wash your hands after use
-
wear gloves if using it
-
and training to make sure staff are aware it is an irritant.
(Quite brilliant imho)
