It wouldn’t be funny , if it didn’t resonate
15 Likes
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks
in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides, because she’s wearing a uniform, she’s probably an
off-duty stewardess.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying
the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
‘To Fly. To Serve’.
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:
‘Winning the hearts of the world’.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on
her face.
Undeterred, he tries a third time, this time saying the Malaysian
Airlines motto:
‘Going beyond expectations’.
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
‘What the hell do you want?’
‘Ah ha!’ he says,
“Ryanair”.
29 Likes
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is
to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom
Cruise?" “No drama’s boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door
and
Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What’s happenin?!? Great to see you!
Come on in for a beer!
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave
Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just
lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off
they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his
boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee
first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave,
who again implores him to name anyone else.
“The pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Dave. “My folks are from
Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.”
So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the
masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can’t
catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the
guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with
the
Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure
enough,half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by
the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is
surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came
out on the balcony and the man next to me said:
“Who the f*#k’s that on the balcony with Dave?”
17 Likes
7 Likes
President Bush and a Polish Pope? That joke’s practically vintage.
1 Like
steve
15 Likes
Auntie Wainwright”s?
Must be quite irritating to miss out on getting a telegram from the Queen by only two months.
5 Likes
Not really, you’re not around to experience the emotion…
2 Likes
It’s a card, rather than a telegram. A very nice card though 
That’s a repeat 
Yeah, but it’s a good un!
Hand written …
