Best jokes

“That is embarrassing” to the tune (vaguely) of Verdi’s “La donna è mobile” from Rigoletto**

Clearly, there’s nobody here who has actually been and sung (? :laughing: ) in a football crowd.

So it’s on a London Tube station: no colours that I can see, but I assume the team supported by “the opposing platform” have just lost, and the team supported by the “nearside platform” have won…

Gooners vs. Spuds perhaps?

**a commonly used cadence in football songs. At Southampton, we used to serenade (cough) one of our strikers with “We’ve got Antonio, we’ve got Antonio…” - note: this is one for the The Kevster

Also used by one of our local Ice Cream vans, the other uses “O Sole Mio”

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Best news I’ve heard all year:

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That is embarrassing

Sounds like Manc accents so assume United or City.

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2207-MATT-PORTAL-WEB-P1.png

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Can only be Man City.

United accents are Cockney!

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HouseholdNaim, please just post a joke here or else not post at all. If you feel someone’s joke breaches forum AUP then flag it up to moderators. Otherwise, let’s not have a debate about what you personally find funny, or not. I shall clean up the thread now. Thanks.

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Courtesy of The Oldie…Barry Cryer’s favourite Doctor joke .
A man goes to the doctor’s and said ,’ I think I’m going deaf .’
And the doctor said ,’ What are the symptoms ?’
The man said. ‘That yellow family on the television .’

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It does not matter which beer you drink … the effects are the same

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steve

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Dave, Frank Sinatra’s greatest ever fan, has won a competition to have a few minutes with the great man, alongside Frank’s PR man, before that evening’s big show at Caesars Palace, Las Vegas.

Dave says “I’m your biggest fan Frank. I’ve got all your recordings, seen all your films at least a dozen times each & have been at every live show you’ve given in the past twenty years anywhere in the world”.

“That’s great Dave” says Frank, “without fans like you I would be nothing”.

“Well, in view of that would you do me a small favour? It’s my fiftieth birthday today & I have spent a fortune hiring a table for my ten best friends, at the front of the stage, to see you tonight to celebrate my birthday. It would be great if, in the middle of My Way, you could stop singing, turn on the auditorium lights, walk off stage to my table & say ‘Hi Dave, Happy Birthday, great to see you’.

Frank replies “Sorry Dave, I can’t do that, it would be very unprofessional”.

“Hold on a second Frank”, interrupts his PR man, “this man has got all your recordings, seen all your films at least a dozen times each & has been at every live show you’ve given in the past twenty years anywhere in the world. If you do as he requests, you would generate far more great PR than I could ever get for you by any other means. I think you should do it”.

Frank thinks about it & says to Dave “OK, I’ll do it for you, just this once”.

Sure enough, halfway through My Way, Frank stops singing, gets the house lights turned up & walks off stage to Dave’s table.

“Hi Dave, great to see you again, Happy Birthday”, he says.

Dave replies, “For goodness’ sake Frank, how many more times do I have to tell you to stop interrupting me when I’m entertaining with my best friends?”.

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The Ciren’ chaps have been quiet recently…

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