steve
Thanks I might just send on Monday as a belated birthday wish to Big Dog
Duct Tape.
It can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
The primary elements of humour are:
Sulphur Argon Calcium Samarium
and
Iridium Oxygen Nitrogen Yttrium
Before you bother me:
Is it plugged in?
Is it turned on?
Are you sure?
Seriously, go check
Things only people who’ve joined slimming clubs will know.
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You will wear exactly the same thing to get weighed each week. Even if it’s -2 degrees outside you’ll be wearing a floaty summer dress and freezing your tits off.
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You’ve considered weighing in wearing just a swimming costume.
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There’s always a Janet in the group who takes 42 cruises a year.
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You’ll save all your Syns/Points up in the week so you can neck a bottle of vodka on Friday night.
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There’s always a Pauline in group who ate 8 sausage rolls at her cousin’s funeral and put on 5 pounds in a week.
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You will not eat a thing before weigh in. Even if weigh in is at 8pm.
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You’ll praise a Susan who maintained.
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Food on the diet a bit dry? Quark. Need a creamy hit in your pasta? Quark. Broken leg? Quark. End world poverty? Quark.
-
Group leader: “You can eat a whole bag of pasta if you need to…but you won’t be able to”
You: “I beg to f****ing differ Linda”. -
There will always be one lone man called Peter in group who loses 9 pounds each week. He seems like a lovely chap but you’ll all secretly hate the bastard.
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You will be unable to poo before you get weighed. As soon as you get home…massive dump
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The group leader will try to tell you that potatoes cut into strips and sprayed in Fry Light are “better than chip shop chips”. This is bullshit Linda. Bullshit.
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A new flavour of Müller Light is announced and it creates a frenzy of riot proportions.
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Linda is no skinny cow herself and doesn’t follow the plan.
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Syns/Points don’t count if it’s to help cure a hangover. They also don’t count if you’re eating them off another person’s plate.
You know me so well ; )
I recently told a rather abrasive joke at an alopecia conference.
Fortunately it didn’t erase any eyebrows
