I think he has also proven that “perm” really does mean permanent.
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water is heavier than butane because, you know, butane is a lighter fluid
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My dentist told me that I need a crown. I was like “I know, right?”
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I hope they didn’t charge you more than 5/- for the crown.
If you only damaged part of a tooth, would it be a half-crown or a coronet?
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If you used Harvard referencing, it’d look even more convincing (May and Mercury, 1978).
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The Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business .
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia.
Ruled by a pair of nuts! 
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Don’t fall for the ‘Deep-fry your money in batter’ investment scam.
That’s how I frittered away all my savings.
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A duck goes into a chemist’s shop .
" Can I have some lip salve please ? "
" Certainly , that will be £1.50 ."
" Can you put it on my bill ? "
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That is very, very funny!
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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked: “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded: “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.”
The priest then asked: “Have you ever eaten pork?”
To which the rabbi replied: “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied: “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him: “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied: “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silently thinking for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said: “Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”
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BIOLOGY EXAM:
This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk’.
The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:
- It is perfect formula for the child.
- It provides immunity against several diseases.
- It is always the right temperature.
- It is inexpensive.
- It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
- It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: - It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A+.
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Breaking news:
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur Tibia.
It’s going to be quite a shindig.
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Parenting is the best job in the world! The hours are terrible, the salary is zero and - um - I’ve forgotten where I was going with this…
Stolen from Viz.
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Ouch!