Ah…I’m a bit slow this evening 
….
So like the badge I posted last year:
Seriously though, I do remember the “Corona lorry” down our road in the sixties - much like the “Pink Paraffin man” (who in our case was Peter Sainsbury, the spin bowler for Hampshire CC).
Years ahead of its time too, with 3d for returning & recycling the bottles. As a kid, collecting, whether by fair means or foul**, Corona and R. White’s bottles was an entrepreneurial pastime - and paid for my fireworks.
** one of the local shops used to stack crates in an accessible alleyway at the rear, so we just brought a few back through the front door!
My Mum has always said that Cliff Richard sounds better on vinyl – so I stood in the kitchen listening to him but he was still awful.
How come a butterfly can find another little butterfly to mate with in a field the size of a small county, yet it can’t see me coming up to it with a bloody lawnmower??
RSPCA say Schrödinger is both guilty and not guilty of animal cruelty.
Mr & Mrs Smith went to their doctor.
Dr: “What seems to be the problem”.
Mr S: “We don’t seem to get so much pleasure from sex anymore Doctor”.
Dr: (incredulously) “You don’t enjoy sex as much anymore??? May I ask how old you both are?”
Mr S: “Well I’m 88 and the wife’s 86 years young”.
Dr: “88 and 86? And you don’t get so much pleasure out of sex anymore? When did you first notice this?”
Mr S: “Twice last night and then again this morning”!
It’s 1296 and Edward Longshanks leads an invasion force of 40,000 troops across the border into Scotland, where he is met with an eerie silence.
At the top of his voice he calls out - “Wherefore art thou Scotsmen? Before you is the rightful King of England and Scotland, come to reign over you”!
A lone kilted figure appears on the crest of a nearby hill, gesticulating obscenely - “Get de fook out Jimmy”!
Edward - “Dear Lord. What on earth is that”?
His Captain replies - “That’s a Scotsman Sire. Shouldn’t be a problem. There won’t be too many about while the pubs are still open”.
Edward - “Captain, send 20 of your troops up there to kill that Scotsman at once”.
The lone figure quickly vanishes over the crest of the hill, rapidly followed by 20 English troops.
Five minutes later the kilted figure reappears on the hilltop. “Is THAT the best you can doo? Get the fook out Jimmy”!
“Captain”! exclaims Edward. “Take your 100 best men and go and kill that Scotsman”!
The lone figure again disappears over the crest of the hill, quickly followed by the Captain and his 100 best troops.
Ten minutes pass before one solitary English soldier staggers back down the hillside covered in blood, sh!t, snot and Irn Bru, and falls to his knees in front of his King.
“Sire!” he says. “It’s a trap!..There’s two of 'em”!
After their very successful first book, I’m pleased to announce that I have just transferred a large advance to an infinite number of monkeys for their second. Not sure of a publishing date yet.
Nice to see there is a connection to EARTH 
A school teacher explains to the children the meaning of the old saying “being covered in glory”.
“So, children”… asks the teacher “…what would you like to be covered in”?
Mary raises her hand. “Miss, I’d like to be covered in Silver”.
“Why is that”? asks the teacher.
Mary - “When I’m old enough to drive I’d be able to scratch some off my skin and use it to buy a BMW”.
“Very good Mary” says the teacher.
Jonathan raises his hand. “Miss, I’d like to be covered in Gold. It’s worth more than Silver so I’d be able to scratch some off and buy a Porsche”.
“Very good Jonathan” says the teacher.
Peter raises his hand. “Miss, I’d like to be covered in Platinum. It’s worth more than Gold or Silver so I’d be able to buy a BMW, AND a Porsche”.
“Very good Peter” says the teacher.
Buck raises his hand. “Miss, I’d like to be covered in pubic hair”!
“Why is that”? asks the teacher.
“Well my 20 year-old sister only has a handful, and you should see the bloody cars around our house”!
Or possibly the female forum members …
