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I have a heron raiding my fish pond, it’s overstocked , quite pragmatic about it
We can’t see any left at all at the moment. Koi, Orfe, Goldfish. Plenty of fish scales nearby. Put net over and night camera out, horse bolted etc.
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I was talking to a guy in the pub the other night. He was bragging about his job, apparently he develops new types of organic salad leaves. I upset him a bit when I told him it wasn’t rocket science.…
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well you are a music lover
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Obviously had a taste for dinosaurs & unicorns.
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I’ve just told my suitcase we won’t be going on holiday this year.
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage 
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The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your Motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.” Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.” St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren’t you the inventor of women? "God said, "Ah, yes. "
"Well, " said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.” God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read.
- There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions.
- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
- The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
- The maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed…
" God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."
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I hope no gardeners were offended; if so I apologise.
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I think more hors may have been offended. 
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When your girlfriend comes home covered in bee stings and smelling of honey.
You know she’s a keeper.
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The Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business .
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia.
Ruled by a pair of nuts! 
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I’ll add another woman
What about like France. Warm, seductive, passionate, not to be trusted and likely to sit the dummy out at every opportunity.
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Have you looked at the UK recently?
Edit, obviously leaving out the warm passionate seductive bit.
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Did you read that in the Daily Mail or the Daily Express?
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you were doing so well, I thought you’d given up this teenage semi misogynistic cr*p but obviously not.
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actually, it is also misandrist. More so, in many ways.
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