Best jokes

I’ll get my coat now!

27 Likes

Did the cavalry attach a lantern to the side of their horse to help guide them back after a day’s battle?

(Yes, I know this joke’s been done before)

1 Like

And er, your number 2 landing on that deck!!??

Yes Ravvie, it’s become an old joke these days. But … !
As they say, “the old ones are the best ones” :sunglasses:

1 Like

I imagine most husbands here know what a “Honey, Do” list is - you know, wife says to you “honey, do this” or “honey, do that” (the honey is, of course, optional). Can you imagine walking up to your wife handing her a list of jobs and saying “Here , some things for you to do”? Let me know how that works our for you.

6 Likes

Assuming you wake up

DG…

3 Likes

DG…

16 Likes

It’s a logically incorrect joke. Stupid people won’t care about the survival of the jellyfish therefore it would not give them hope.

So many jokes are incorrect if people would just think 1 second.

2 Likes

Yes. You would have to regulate and observe your single load.
You definitely don’t want to have a touching moment.
Especially after a late night belly full of sausage, chips and curry sauce with several beers.

1 Like

How to win your wife - how to be romantic to your wife:
Dine her
Call her
Hug her
Support her
Hold her
Surprise her
Compliment her
Smile at her
Listen to her
Laugh with her
Cry with her
Romance her
Believe in her
Cuddle her
Shop with her
Give her jewelry
Buy her flowers
Hold her hand
Write love letters to her
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her

Here’s how to win your husband:
Show up naked and bring food.

10 Likes

Aah! I sense an opportunity for an engineer of some type to develop a load measuring device, be it by weight or optical measurements to ensure that the ‘touch’ could not happen! I think it would be a winner!!

Of course, such an arrangement would facilitate the collection of a “sample”, for the screening tests regularly undertaken by the over-sixties.

8 Likes

How to make your wife laugh in 3 easy steps.

  1. Hold her hands
  2. Look into her eyes
  3. Tell her. I am the man of the house
4 Likes

Indeed, like all good ideas, we can improve and add to continuosly!!

Absolutely brilliant!

2 Likes

Beware, the telephone number is the old Swap Shop number.

1 Like

That’s a long-running joke in Viz - all of their spoof adverts use the same number, instantly recognisable to those of us of a certain generation!

3 Likes

I made the mistake of wearting a green T-shirt while visiting Asda.

Long story short, I’m now covering Darren’s shift on Saturday.

18 Likes

Not a joke but I found it rather funny, it’s a customer review of some speakers on AliExpress.

With China’s ever-increasing technology and price competitiveness Audio products are now dominated by high and medium prices. It’s scary. In this world, Yoon Seok-ryul’s new bitch is president and fraud. Manipulative. The old man, the old man, the old woman, and the thief, the old man, and the whole family are thugs. Manipulative. Fault. The corner of the House of the Crook thief. Now, I change the highway in my own private desire, and I put it very big, and I’m trying to rob my country’s property. The dog dog chicks who picked the chicks. The future of Korea is dark. Those things are patriotic to eat Japanese contaminated water and seafood as soon as one day.

2 Likes