I was just going to post a time travelling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
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If you didn’t post it, how do you know we didn’t like it?
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Welcome to the world of time paradoxes.
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Oh no, it’s been closed. I now have to find other entertainment.
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Wife: We just ate - why are you making pancakes?
Me: They’re for the dogs
Wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
Me: They don’t know how to
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My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. OK, I did that, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
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You know what they say about cliffhangers…
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Doctor: Describe your average night
Me: They wear suits of armour
Dr: No, I mean at bedtime
Me: They probably take it off
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Wife: I saw a baby on the way to work today
Me: How do you know?
Wife: How do I know I saw a baby on the way to work?
Me: Yeah - did it have a tiny briefcase or something?
Wife: What?
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Perhaps console yourself in looking at this pile of bricks, an art piece by Carl Andre from 1972. 120 bricks, all in good order, never been spread across the ground, yours for £2,297 in 1972, as purchased by the Tate Gallery in London (say ~£26k inflation adjusted). To many at the time, this was a joke 
Anecdote – c.1997, in visiting a small contemporary art gallery in London, there was something very similar in the middle of the floor. I really wasn’t sure to do, as the place was busy and space was tight!
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“I have a pen that can write underwater”
“Really? That’s impressive”
“Yeah. It can write lots of other words, too”
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How much do you trust other people? Me, I look both ways on a one-way street.
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I arrived at the restaurant a bit early. The manager asked me whether I minded waiting for a bit. I told him that would be OK. “Great” he said “Take these drinks to table 9”
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I’m in the ER. I don’t want to bore you with details, but the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a dangerously misleading name.
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A man runs home from work, pulls his wife into the bedroom, threw her on the bed and pulls the blankets over them. She was shocked - he hadn’t been like this for 20 years. Then her husband says “Look! My new watch glows in the dark!”
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If you’re buying smart water for £4.00 a bottle - it’s not working.
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I’d call 999.
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For some reason, I’m reminded of Pandora Maxwell’s words while speaking from an upstairs window during the Robert Maxwell scandal (1992/3 onwards), after she’d had a very early morning knock on the door:
‘P!$$ off, or I’ll call the police’ – response, ‘we are the police’.
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To which she should have responded, “Boy! That was quick.”
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