Best jokes

Do you ever get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate”?

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Text message exchange.

Husband: You are negative.
Wife: And you are stubborn, arrogant, a low life, care about no-one but yourself and your friends, all you are interested in is your own self, in all your life you have not fulfilled one promise. It is only I who has put up with such a miser and insensitive man. You are a good-for-nothing, fat, ugly man. Even your hair transplant failed.
Husband: I was just informing you that your Covid test was negative.
Wife: Oh…

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Since this storm started, my husband hasn’t stopped looking through the window.
If it gets much worse then maybe I’ll let him in.

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As you probably know, Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot most of the time, which resulted in an impressive collection of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and his odd diet resulted in his having very bad breath. So he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
OK, I can get my own coat…

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No comment…

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I see people my age out there climbing mountains and ziplining, and here I am feeling good about myself because I managed to get my leg through my underwear without loosing my balance.

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My mother always said that she didn’t have a favourite child. Which is rough because I have no siblings.

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Possibly only amusing if you’ve been harassed on You Tube by ads for Ground-breaking Door Cams.

How to protect your house … and family,
from dangerous intruders
without

- a shotgun?

Feels haiku like.

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“I have reason to believe that someone around here is an owl”

“Who?”

“I knew it was you!”

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My ducks are not in a row - and I think one of them is a pigeon.

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Indeed

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Yes, it’s getting that way.

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Where else can he go?

steve

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Aside ?

I never did figure out what the knights in white sat in.

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