Looks like it would fit you nicely
What’s so funny.
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!
A man was walking along a California beach, deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud “Lord, grant me one wish”
The Sunny California sky clouded over, and in a booming voice the Lord said “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said “Build a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive there any time I want”
The Lord said “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it would take. The effects on the environment. I could do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish that you think would honour and glorify me.”
The man thought about for a long time. Finally he said "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside. What they are thinking when they give the silent treatment. Why they cry. What they mean when they say “Nothing!”, and how I can make a woman truly happy. "
The Lord replied “You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”
Are you hanging Santa up by his balls yet?
Merry Chrissssssstmas nearly