Best jokes

It snowed last night…
8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man…women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted

Moral:

There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes

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From today’s Sunday Times magazine:


Illustration by Mark Remy

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I hear that Chris Rea has been spotted in Kwikfit this week, getting everything checked over…

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:rofl:

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That’s classic, but almost a little to close to home. Every morning I asked the wife … How was your sleep?
Answer: Just a sec, I’ll check … wow 89% …

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You forgot the intersex person demanding that they both have both sets of ‘bits’.

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Insert ‘baffled’ emoji here…

steve

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Ditto

DG…

It’s fairly lowbrow I’m afraid and won’t survive explanation but here goes. Feed and Seed rhyme with Sneed’s. Imagine if they were after Chuck’s and still rhymed

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steve

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Never More Appropriate. :scream:

IMG_0466

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You forgot “would you like to pull my cracker” :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Or variations there on…

steve

From Clue on BBC R4:

Every year Loughborough University holds a glittering black tie dinner for it’s Sports Science graduates. Last year, their famous alumnus Sebastian Coe was the Guest of Honour and chose to give a speech on, ‘The Power of PE.’

But he forgot his tuxedo and was made to do it in his vest and pants.

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If a quiz is “quizzical”, then what is a test?

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