Best jokes

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, ‘Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.’

‘What do you mean?’ said the pirate, ‘I feel fine.’

Bartender, ‘What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.’

Pirate, ‘Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.’

Bartender, ‘Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?’

Pirate, ‘We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really.’

Bartender ‘What about that eye patch?’

Pirate, ‘Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them sh*t in my eye.’

‘You’re kidding,’ said the bartender, ‘you lost an eye just from bird sh*t.’

‘It was my first day with the hook.’

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“I’m sorry, but I’m not apologising.”

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steve

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:rofl:

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steve

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IMG_0766

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I see the censor has been busy again…

steve

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My half brother and I are not allowed to play with chainsaws anymore!

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What does a bed bug and the Eiffel tower have in common ?
They are both Paris Sites.

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Reminds me of this ad, which cracks me up every time I see it

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I went to the doctor and told him about my apple phobia. He told me to grow a pear

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image

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