steve
13 Likes
“What do you call a nun who has just had the sack ?”
Renundant
5 Likes
Plus a Chuck Berry record!
2 Likes
19 Likes
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus, and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: “Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look at this!”
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: “Well, how was that?”
The Airbus pilot answers: “Very impressive, but watch this!”
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 10 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, “Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?”
The AirBus pilot laughs and says: “I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.”
28 Likes
I fell in love with my clumsy cleaner. She swept me off my feet.
11 Likes
Did she fall head over heels 
Straight from my VIZ sense of humour. 
I tried that once with less luck. She just gave me the brush off.
1 Like
A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, ‘How about that?
I just ordered champagne, too!’
‘What a coincidence’ the farmer said.
‘This is a special day for me.
I am celebrating.’
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,’ said the woman.’
‘What a coincidence!’ said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added: ‘What are you celebrating?’
‘My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!’
‘What a coincidence!’ said the man.
‘I’m a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.’
‘That’s great!’ said the woman, ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’
‘I used a different c**ck’ he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said ‘what a coincidence’!
17 Likes
A German shepherd, a budgie and a cat have all died, and all three face God in heaven, who asks each one what they believe in.
The German shepherd replies – “Discipline, training and loyalty to my master”
God considers his answer and replies – “You may sit on my right.”
The budgie replies – “I believe in singing for my master and doing tricks for him to make him happy.”
God considers his answer and replies – “Then you may sit on my left.”
Then he looks at the cat – “And what do you believe in?”
The cat answers – “I believe you’re sitting in my seat.”
14 Likes
Put this on the deleted election thread…Seemed to good to waste.
13 Likes
Oh deer.
6 Likes
