A bagpipe could be an alternative option in hell. 
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Definition of a gentleman: someone who can play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
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Please God tell me that’s not genuine. The worry is that idiot can presumably procreate and has the vote 
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Teacher asks class what part of your body goes into heaven first? Little Susie sticks up her hand and says “your hands”. Teacher asks why and Susie replies because you hold your hands out front to pray. Good answer says the teacher. Anyone else? Little Johnny puts up his hand and the teacher asks what do you think Johnny? He says it’s your legs, Why’s that Johnny? He replies “well when I went into Mum and Dad’s room the other night Mum was screaming Oh God I’m coming with her legs in the air and if Dad hadn’t held her down I think we would have lost her”.
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This is why I don’t like streaming , her streaming revenues are such that Ms Swift cannot afford proper clothes to dance in and resorts to prancing about in her underwear
Can someone please buy a CD from her so she invest in some decent Damart Thermals
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Or we could take all or CDs back for a refund. 
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Wow, talk about selective perception, but I was searching the river for a pool for the kids today and saw the following review:
First thought it was a prank, but apparently not.
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I have always felt that my idol, Eric Clapton, sacrificed millions in revenues over the years by not performing in his Y-Fronts…
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Much better plan
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I always though it was someone who owns an accordion, but chooses not to play it. 
Bagpipes, accordion, cornet, saxophone, take your pick:
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2019/04/21/cornet/
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Isn’t the definition of perfect pitch, throwing a banjo into a skip without touching the sides?
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My paternal grandmother was a tall, severe lady who had the looks and demeanor of Queen Mary and an acid disposition.
I ccould never look at her in the same way again after my father told me that in her youth she played the banjo.
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A frog walks into a bank and walks up to the teller. He says, “My name is Kermit Jagger and I’d like to take out a loan.”
The teller says, “Nice to meet you, I’m Patti Whack, but I have to tell you, we don’t loan money to frogs.”
Kermit says, “No it’s ok, I have collateral. Here is a priceless heirloom. Oh! And I hate to throw this around but my dad is Mick Jagger.”
Patti takes the small ceramic elephant and says, “I’ll need to get my manger”.
The manager comes over and says, “What’s the problem Mr Whack?”
To which Patti replies, “Well you see this frog here wants to take out a loan, he says he’s Mick Jagger’s son and he produced this tiny elephant for collateral. This is highly unusual and I’m not sure what to do.”
The exacerbated manger rolls his eyes, sighs, and says:
“Oh for God Sake! It’s a knick knack Patti Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone!”
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Some brilliant ones in there .
Could see that coming a mile away!
1 Like