Best jokes

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I’ve sent that to Daughter#1 (M.Maths (Oxford), and teaches the subject for a living!)

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“One time I farted so long that I was surprised that my bum didn’t have to stop to catch its breath”
Interviewer: “…and a weakness?”

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Don’t forget

Salmonella … On all meals

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Done the very same to kid 1 who starts mathematics now.

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I could have resolved the maths half a century ago, but now I have a daughter who’s better at it than I ever was……so to quote the old adage

“Why have a dog and bark yourself?” :laughing:

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My wife & I did maths through uni, as part of our engineering degrees, but Louise did the pure stuff at Oxford, and normally loses us after the first line of the proof, “Let the something-or-other be…….”

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I hope she doesn’t read this forum, or you’re in trouble!

Fair point……Lou is a “cat person” - see recent pics in the pets threads!

HOW TO WASH A CAT

  1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

  2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

  3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

  4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet - the cat is actually enjoying this.

  5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “Power-Wash and “Rinse”.

  6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7 . Stand well back behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the lid.

  1. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

  2. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Your sincerely,

The Dog

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  1. Secure yourself in your home’s underground nuclear bunker for several hours, or until kitty dinner time, when you may be able to avoid serious injury inflicted by your kitty (who has murder in mind - that’s as in your murder), by offering her delicious morsels lovingly prepared by a Michelin starred chef.

Otherwise, stay in the bunker!

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Not a joke really, rather a frightening development…:unamused:

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Maybe one for Cod Philosophy?

As someone who peer-reviews research papers (it’s good to have a hobby), I have seen genuine attempts to do only slightly less subtle versions of exactly that.

Will be forwarding that to a few people…

Mark

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Having done a Physics degree, I prefer to start with “Let us assume the horse is a perfect sphere in a vacuum…”.

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steve

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It’s nice when someone ‘likes’ a joke I posted yonks ago and I look it up and think ‘yeah, that was a good one!’:slightly_smiling_face:

Just tried ‘Beef Stew’ as my new forum password.

But it was rejected as it’s not stroganoff.

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