At the psychiatrist:
“My mother knows just how to press all my buttons. Why is that?”
“She installed them”
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Chessington World of Adventure safari park has banned visitors from wearing animal print clothing because keepers claim it is confusing the animals.
In other news.
People in Wales have been told to no longer wear wooly jumpers as it leads the sheep into a false sense of security.
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A small harp goes into a bar and orders a drink.
The barman peers over the counter and asks her what sort of thing she is, she answers ‘A harp of course’.
He looks her up and down and asks “Aren’t you a little small to be a harp?”
Harp fires back "Are you calling me a lyre?
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So long as it’s to somewhere like Costa Rica, I’m up for it.
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Brilliant!
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It’s difficult to stop at only one Horlicks…
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A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours.’
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the
Door and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’
The barber looked around at the shop and said, ‘About 3 hours.’
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,
‘How long before I can get a haircut?’
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, ‘Hey, Bob, do me a favour, follow him and see
where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.’
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked,
‘So, where does he go when he leaves?’
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, ‘Your house!!!’
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Got to love ‘Linkedin’ … This today:
Hi Graeme,
I’d like to invite you to our upcoming webinar: Disentangling the complexities of soil communities with highly accurate long-read metagenome assembly.
Can’t wait.
G
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…apparently:
An introduction to HiFi metagenomics
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I was going to Safeway, so I asked my husband, Barry, if he needed anything. He replied, “I’m looking for inner peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfillment, and a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality.” I said, “Be specific. Do you want Absolut or Grey Goose?”
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They do! I saw them late last night.
My favourite iommi riff. Starts with the harmonics, da da da da … da da da da da … da da, da … four times, then that sweet riff …
I will learn it one day soon.