My wife told me to put tomato sauce on the shopping list. Now I can’t read it.
Not many people know that Yoda had a last name - Layheehoo
Great hide-and-seek players are really hard to find.
“You can buy this car which seats 6 people without a problem”
“Dude, I don’t know 6 people without a problem”
Some people are like slinkies. Not really much use for anything, but bring a smile to your face when they are pushed down the stairs.
“I can’t do this any more, George, you care more about your paranoid conspiracy theories than you do about me”
“That’s exactly what the Government want you to think”
I thought we weren’t allowed to make political comments.
Gone.
I probably feel a little silly today, but I laughed a lot with the last jokes… So thanks, BTW
I bought my wife a slinkie outfit.
She looks great going down the stairs.
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
“Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”
He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now.
It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
“How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.”
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
“Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”
“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.”
I’m sure she does!
Gone.
What’s a pirates favourite swear word?
It be the sea word….
The older I get, the less I care about what other people think. I’m just happy that I can still think.