This made me laugh!
Um - nope, can’t think what else it could be.
Aagh! the pickup got tired.
I do like a good pun and that was excellent
A local bar was so sure its barman was the strongest man in the Village, they offered a standing $1000 bet. The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers, they all tried and lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny wee man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses and a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said, “I’d like to take on the bet.”
After the laughter died down, the barman said, “Okay”, grabbed the lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the lemon rind to the little man.
The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the wee man clenched his little fist around the lemon and squeezed it and a drop fell into the glass. Then he squeezed some more and another drop fell from the lemon. Without a word the wee man squeezed some more and a third drop fell into the glass.
The crowd in the bar were astonished and speechless.
As the barman paid the $1000 bet, he asked “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker, a weight-lifter, or what?”
The little man quietly replied: “I’m a tax collector.”
One Sunday morning,a priest decided to
do something a little different.
He said 'Today, in church, I am going
to say a single word and you are going to
help me preach.
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever
hymn that comes to your mind – the pastor shouted out ‘CROSS.’
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison,
‘THE OLD RUGGED CROSS…’
The pastor hollered out ‘GRACE.’ The congregation began
to sing ‘AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.’
The pastor said ‘POWER.’
The congregation sang ‘THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.’
The Pastor said ‘SEX’
The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other
afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,
a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing
‘MEMORIES.’
At least it wasn’t “Oh come all ye faithful”
A man goes to confession and tells the priest “I keep hearing a voice telling me what to do. Am I possessed?”
The priest responds “No son - you’re married”
After the budget we need something to smile about.
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA??
A man walked into the ladies department of Jarrolds
And shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
"I’d like to buy a bra for my wife. "
“What type of bra?” Asked the clerk.
“Type?” inquires the man, “There’s more than one type?”
“Look around,” Said the saleslady,
As she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color
And material imaginable.
“Actually, Even with all of this variety,
There are really only Four types of bras to choose from .”
Relieved, the man asked About the types.
The saleslady replied:
“There are the Catholic,
The Salvation Army,
The Presbyterian,
And the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?”
Now totally befuddled,
The man asked about
The differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
"It is all really quite simple. .
The Catholic type Supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and
The Baptist makes mountains out of molehills."