After I retired, my wife insisted I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
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June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
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July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
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July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
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July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.
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August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
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August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
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August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.
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August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.
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September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
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September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
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October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
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October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels.
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October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
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October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetel position and screamed; ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
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Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room is.
And last, but not least:
- October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
Breakfast!
It’ ll save a lot of cooking
Just arrived this afternoon in Jerez for a few nights with Mrs Duck and then moving on to Cadiz. Being Jerez, the original plan was to wander around this evening and visit several sherry/tapas bars. However, having seen this place advertised on the back of my free street map, I might need to change my plans…
Please report back…
Have you asked them whether the first word is intended as noun or verb?
Just been looking at their website.
Maybe there’s a floor show involving said burgers?
I’ve just been there as well and seen a pic of ‘La Cheesemosa’. OMFG
True, male Kingfisher has a black beak.
…and the ‘more’ is? 
You won’t go hungry. 
Perhaps they meant ‘moreish’ (or moorish)!
Sorry to disappoint but have no intention of eating there - sherry and tapas only!
