Most of you have already seen this, but…
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In the past half hour i just burned over a thousand calories!
That’s the last time i leave brownies in the oven while i take a nap.
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Those companies who make sanitizer gel must be rubbing their hands together!
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Apparently, Scottish goalkeepers are immune to the Coronavirus.
They never wash their hands … but they never catch anything either. 
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Boris has suspended the home secretary.
Apparently he suspects her of smuggling scatter cushions out of No.10 
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My first thoughts were that the Genesis reunion tour should maybe have appeared under this heading…
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I’ve failed my ventriloquism exam. Personally I’m gutted, and as for my dummy - well, I can’t speak for him.
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I found a packet of Viagra the other day, tried one but it didn’t work. I looked at the packet and it was well past its swell-by date.
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ebay currently has a bottle of hand sanitiser at more than the price for a couple of front row tickets for a Genesis reunion gig.
From The Now Show just now.
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The novel coronavirus has been confirmed for a worker at Amazon.
If you order today, you should get it by thursday.
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Those Genesis ticket prices were the most ridiculous prices I’ve ever seen and that includes Elton John. Unbelievable, and I’m one of those who pay a lot to see live events.
I had no intention of going but just taken a look at the ticket prices 
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An ATM asked me to cover my pin to avoid being robbed and then charged me two quid to give me my cash! The irony…
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With their new product Amazon Prime Infection, you should get it tomorrow. And you get free MP3 downloads of your recent music purchases to listen to in the time you have left …
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Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
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