Best jokes

19 Likes

I thought this was great - from FB Tim Vine Joke Appreciation Group

25 Likes

Mr President…Or.?

:small_blue_diamond:The reaction from the world’s mightiest man,.when Denmark refuses to sell Greenland.
Oh My God,.I love this satire,or what to call it :grin::joy::grin:.

/Peder🙂

7 Likes

CORRECTION - The reaction from the world’s biggest anal hole.

5 Likes

We call him the Marmalade Moron.

3 Likes

Prompted by a recent post in the “What are you listening to?” thread:

Q. What’s the difference between James Last and a bull?
A. In a bull, the horns are at the front and the a***hole is at the back.

2 Likes

Maybe Trump had heard that Iceland was a good place to buy frozen foodstuff and thought Greenland might be a investment for selling bedding plants.

2 Likes

From the other place

13 Likes

People with selfie sticks need to take a long look at themselves.

4 Likes

Saw this on the other place … just love it.
image

7 Likes

A widow is mourning her husband who couldn’t be saved because no one knew his blood type. She is lamenting how his last words to her were were so touching and when asked to repeat them she answers: “Be positive”.

16 Likes

I was amazed when I left my last job, my old boss knew my blood type. I heard him saying to someone as I left “Him? He’s O Plus”

No idea how he knew or why it mattered at that time tbh.

5 Likes

From that other place,

5 Likes

I quite like this - stolen from the book of the face -

6 Likes

A West Ham fan, a Spurs fan and an Arsenal fan were in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: “It is my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The Arsenal fan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it.

The Arsenal fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done.

The Spurs fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: “Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back.”

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.

The West Ham fan was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “I have a soft spot for the Hammers as you play lovely football and won the World Cup and have the best fans. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, the West Ham fan replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,” the Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?” the Sheik asked.

“Tie that Spurs fan to my back…”

13 Likes

:rofl:

FB_IMG_1567149637008

14 Likes

5 Likes

The guy that invented the “knock knock who’s there” jokes has just been awarded the no bell prize.

11 Likes

If you were surprised by the suicide of Jeffrey Epstein, imagine how surprised he was.

9 Likes