I’d bury him upside down just to confuse the fat fcker
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VERY, VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He’s still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian!
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I read that and thought, poor fellow, how unreasonable. However, I wondered why you’d posted it on the ‘Best Jokes’ thread. Then I read it again 
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“I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which would you like first?”
“I’ll have the good news first”
“You have 24 hours to live”
“That’s the good news?! What’s the bad news?”
“I should have told you yesterday “
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“I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which would you like first?”
“I’ll have the bad news first”
“Well I’m afraid we amputated the wrong leg, so we had to go ahead and remove the other one anyway’’
“What’s the good news?”
“Well the chap in the next bed is interested in buying your slippers“
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The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.
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“So Doctor, what is the prognosis?”
“I’m afraid it’s bad news, you only have 10 to live.”
“10 what Doctor, years, months…?”
“9…,8…,7…”
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…I recognize #5…
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Yes, my wife made me paint a chalkboard in our kitchen so she can write down what I need to do while she’s away. 
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My wife reckons I drink too much whisky, which came as a bit of a shock - I didn’t even realise I had a wife!
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That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard today 
… but the day is still young…
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Not for me😁
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‘I live in Bloomsbury. It’s a very literary place. The Pound Store in Bloomsbury only sells the works of US essayist, poet and critic, Ezra Pound.’
Alexei Sayle on R4, just now
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