You go to the best jokes thread in the padded cell, go to the latest joke and then tap the reply arrow at the bottom.
Best
David
Who picks up and bags guide dog poo ?
2 Likes
Who picks up and bags guide dog poo ?
On Treasure Island it would be … Blind Poo
Cheers
As I get older and remember all the people I lost along the way, I think to myself…
Maybe taking this job as a tour guide wasn’t such a good idea.
5 Likes
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk shouts, “Yes, I am!”
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, “Have you found Jesus, brother?”
The drunk answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”
By this time, the preacher is at his wit’s end and dunks the drunk again – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?!”
The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
12 Likes
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. He expected to inherit the family fortune soon once his ailing father died.
In preparation Tom wanted proceed to do two things:
• to learn how to properly invest his inheritance and
• to find a great wife to share his fortune with
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty immediately took his breath away.
“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will be dead and I will inherit 20 million dollars.”
Impressed, the young woman asked to see his business card.
…and two weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men…
8 Likes
My wife laughed out loud at this!
Mine too ! I am currently looking at replacing my speakers so is very topical in the house at mo … I have been pointed in the direction of the laundry, d’oh !
1 Like
So did mine, though I can’t understand how it could possibly relate to me…
And I did the laundry today…
No hope for your next upgrade then David😉
Would also work in the Best Oxymorons thread.
So they’ve started filling in the Channel Tunnel?
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2 Likes
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of tiny feet, so we bought a dog.
It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
1 Like