Hi all, not my normal post but very important in these challenging times.
The latest smartphone app goes live today and everyone should download it ASAP.
It’s a tracing and tracking app that will let you know IF you have been in contact with anyone who has seen Tottenham win the league.
You can download it for FREE at www.haveyoueverseentottenhamwintheleague.com please let us know of any sightings.
A few chuckles for you
Anyone got a “dry” sense of humour?
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The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
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She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
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No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.’
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The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
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A backward poet writes inverse.
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In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
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When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
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A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!’
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
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Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, 'Yes, I’m positive.’
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
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There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
I used to be a grave robber, but I don’t like to talk about it though - it’s just digging up the passed.
Coronavirus, global warming, species extinction. Keith Richards must be so angry at what we’re doing to his inheritance.
I’ve invented a new word. Plagiarism.
Well, I’m staying alert. I thought I spotted the virus under a park bench, so I immediately called the police, who quickly arrived on the scene and carried out a controlled explosion. It turned out it was just a large, spiky red beach ball but you can’t be too careful.
My new working from home desk.
Stay alert folks!
G