Poor B*gger
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I was found at the bottom of a rocket silo with broken legs, arms, ribs, and severe lacerations. When the emergency services asked me what had happened, I said, “I don’t know. The last thing I remember was that I was holidaying on Tracy Island, and I was just diving into the pool.”
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I told my psychiatrist that I feel that my wife speaks to me like Sally speaks to Linus.
He told me a have a Peanut allegory.
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Analogy ??
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Tony, that joke is F.A.B! 
( Fractures and Brokenbones )
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Who he?
steve
Ok, thanks. Still means nothing to me.
steve
Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick due to it crumbling too easy and making her breath smell.
She explained, “The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis!” 
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What’s a Helikofta ?
an Indian vertical takeoff meatball.
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My grandpa always says, “When one door closes, another opens.”
He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker.
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Thank you to those hippies on another social forum.
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A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll it be?”
The rabbit says, “I dunno. I’m only here because of Autocorrect.
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It’s been a funny old day so far.
First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…
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A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth.
When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news. “Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children.”
“What did he name them?” she worriedly asked, “he isn’t very bright!”
“Your daughter is Denise,” replied the doctor. Slightly relieved she says, “That’s not so bad! And the boy?” “Denephew.”
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