I never get a second love letter - even after I’ve gone to all the trouble of sending back the first with highlighted spelling and grammatical corrections.
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A man is having surgery on his testicles when one falls out onto the operating theatre floor, gets accidentally trodden on and squashed.
“We cant put that back he’s bound to notice and we cant get a prosthetic at this short notice!” says the surgeons assistant
"I’ve got an idea, theres a greengrocer next door! Says the surgeon as he swiftly exits the theatre.
The assistant looks puzzled and is becoming increasingly anxious when the surgeon returns with a small onion.
“This is exactly the right size, he wont notice the difference, he will be fine and none the wiser.”
The surgeon inserts the onion into the mans scrotum and stitches it up.
The man recovers from the anaesthetic and the surgeon informs him that all went fine and would just need to see his GP in a months time for a follow up.
So a month later the man sees his GP
“Everything looks normal” says the GP “Any concerns?”
“Well, just one thing” the man replies scratching his head “Every time I get an erection my eyes water”
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Do you know the band called the Palindromes? Apparently their first hit was with a song called “If I had a HiFi”
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That is brilliant.
All castles had one major weakness -
the enemy used to get in through the gift shop.
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Or for the Welsh speakers here
iFiH a dah I fi”
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My daughter is always amused that her initials spell Hi-Fi backwards - she accuses me of doing this but it was a complete accident.
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Granddad’s in a home now. Amazing isn’t it? - 89 years old and he’s still an active burglar.
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That’s Life🤣
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
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Two men walking down oxford street a young lad goes up to one and says have you the time and the man ignores him and walks away his friend says why didn’t you tell him the time It is very rude. His friend says if i tell him the time he will start chatting and want to come home and meet the wife and then he will want to meet my daughter he will want to marry
Her. How can i have a son-in-law who doesn’t
’ have A watch
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A young girl goes to the doctor and he informs her that you only have 6 months to live. She asks the doctor what can i do the doctor says move in with a
Banjo player she says will that help me he the doctor replies i don’t know About that but the 6 months will go slowly
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You heard about the carrot juice salesman. His daughter is engaged to a rabbit
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I took some ladies from wigan out to afternoon tea
When the waiter came round with the tea pot he asked Who is going to poor the tea and play mum today they all burst into tears
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Eh?
Maybe some punctuation might help?
steve
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I doubt it.
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It’s the way he tells them…
…that makes them so awkward. 
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