If you’re wrong and you shut up then you’re wise.
If you’re right and you shut up then you’re married.
Would anyone like some old copies of Osteopath Weekly? I have back issues.
A man visiting Scotland enters a very old pub, though the pub is full of people no one appeared to be drinking. Undeterred the man asks for a pint of beer. The barman pulls the pint and charges 1p. "1p for a pint of beer?’ ask the man. “Arh well” explains the barman “Today the pub is 100 years old, so to celebrate we are today charging the prices of a 100 years ago”
"Thats fantastic " says the man “But why is nobody else in the pub drinking?”
The barman replies "They’re waiting for Happy Hour to start’
Now lockdown’s easing, I’ve had a painter and decorator round. Interestingly, he’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot. Made a lovely job of the landing.
The Daily mail now has perforated pages.
Thats tearable news.
Anyone else out there accidently summoned a demon while trying to pronounce IKEA furniture names?
Well there was a toilet paper shortage.
I see that @bhoyo’s reply to Toby Jug’s Daily Mail joke has been flagged. I cannot believe that anyone could find that in the slightest bit offensive!
Probably felt it was potentially getting a bit politically partisan, perhaps?
I don’t think a comment on the quality of journalism in a national newspaper could possibly be construed as political.
Probably not, I can only speculate, but the joke or comment evidently caused someone offense, and as per policy in the Best Jokes thread, if a joke offends anyone then it’s usually removed as a matter of course.
I read the Financial Times. Because I have a pink bathroom.
It wasn’t really a political comment. Having been a journalist for almost 40 years, I feel qualified to joke about the quality of the craft in that particular publication. Whatever.
I’m holding out for quilted.
Good grief, that rules out myriad jokes, satire, literature, film…
All the best jokes will offend someone. Blonde joke anyone?
The statue of Edward Colston has been pulled out of the harbour in Bristol. They must have been quay workers.
Who is berlin fritz