“A cannibal took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie”
“Gladiator?”
“No, I really miss her”.
12 Likes
Wonderful stuff lads, keep them coming…
.sjb
3 Likes
A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we’re leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish.
He said, “Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”
The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box…”
9 Likes
We men are easy to understand,…but we have more difficult to understand ourselves 
It’s incredible that The Bible was so specific in forbidding shops with 280 square metres of floor space to open for more than 6 hours on a Sunday in England.
5 Likes
You might need to explain this one.
I suspect it’s “do you have a car d’oh?”
1 Like
Think it might be “have you a car though” say it quickly and it may sound like avocado. I think.
1 Like
Aaah, I thought this was a joke thread.
1 Like
Quasimodo: ‘‘The Bells, The Bells’’
Esmeralda: ‘‘No Quasi run, it’s the fire alarm!’’
2 Likes
Yes, I thought that was the intention as well. 
“I love how music has the ability to take you to another place. For example Ed Sheeran is playing in the pub I’m in, so now I’m going to another pub…”
Pinched from Twitter.
11 Likes
I’m thinking of taking this wine box back to complain. It says once opened it will last for 6 weeks. It only lasted 3 days.
20 Likes
My wife keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like “Hobbit!” “Mordor!” and “Gandalf!” in her slumbers.
Always Tolkien in her sleep…
14 Likes
We’ve got an invite to an 1980s themed fancy dress party this Easter.
My wife doesn’t want me to go as an eighties pop star but I’m adamant…
16 Likes
You’re joking…right? Yeti.
1 Like
She wasn’t buying your soft cell then?
2 Likes
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
You get thrown out of the petting zoo.
7 Likes