Mildly adult.
Summary
Just seen J.K.Rowling going on about the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter!!!
I doubt anybody has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie Mcgee…
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I finally got a joke barred/blocked/hidden and it wasn’t even dirty, go figure. Apparently it upset some people on here. Wow not sure what the world is coming to. BFN
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The ‘bordering on the ridiculous’ joke I posted a few weeks ago got stymied.
Which, frankly, rather proved its point.
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If it was the political joke then that is why.
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.
Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight…
EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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- Healthy people don’t buy cigarettes.
- Life in balance
- Why do customers steal pens but not from the vaults?
- You can’t lock a lawnmower
- Double hamburgers need one bun. See note 2.
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A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
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A farmer is watching his son work the fields on their land, and realises what a fine young man the boy has become. He beckons the boy over, tells him it’s time he made his first trip to market, alone, and hands him a pig, a chicken and a bucket and tells him to make his way to the next village and ask for directions from there.
Later the young man arrives in the village and spotting a fair maiden by the well asks her which way to market. She pauses and tells him the quickest way is through the forest, but the forest is dark, and wild, and thick. He suggests that she accompany him to make sure he finds his way; she laughs, and says that were she to accompany him alone through the dark wild thick forest he might ravage her and have his wicked way with her. He laughs - “fair maiden, I’m carrying a pig and a chicken and have a bucket on my head. How could I ravage you and have my way with you with all this to manage?”. “Well” she says. “You could put the pig in the bucket, and I could hold the chicken for you. That might work.”
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“How do you explain this gap in your C.V.?”
“That’s when I went to Yale”
“That’s impressive ! You’re hired!”
“Thanks, I really need this yob…”
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. Ben Nevis is the UK’s highest peak for those overseas.