Two lions are walking down the aisle of a supermarket. One turns to the other and says “quiet in here today, isn’t it” …
3 Likes
Or - you ordered a pizza twenty minutes ago.
A Roman centurion walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says: “I’ll have 5 beers please.”
21 Likes
If he’d crossed his fingers, he would have ordered 10.
3 Likes
I can’t believe how many times I’ve been let down by the people who had arranged to come and fix my broken doorbell.
17 Likes
I’ve just been out to try the new Fleetwood MacDonald’s restaurant that’s opened near me. They sell you fries, sell you sweet little fries.
11 Likes
Do they do Albatross on a stick?
7 Likes
A rumour or a mirage. One of the two.
And none of the band ever pays for a burger. Stevie Nicks them.
Apparently.
G
7 Likes
Discovered today that I was colour blind…really was a bolt out of the purple
4 Likes
Well at least you were diagnosed. I am orange with envy
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I was trying to drown the pain but unfortunately the guy was a good swimmer…
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Patient: Doctor, doctor. I think I’m a moth!
Doctor: You need a psychiatrist, why come to me?
Patient: Your light was on!
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Or, see Norm McDonald turn a simple two-line joke into a lesson on delivering a joke. 
Btw Gavin, there was no criticism intended in your direction, just that Norm’s telling of it so good.
3 Likes
I’ve got an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
16 Likes
God that’s funny!!!