Best jokes

2 Likes

The Knights are Drawing in …!

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As heard on a programme about the Goon Show … some phrases were banned by the BBC, such as ‘winter draws on’.

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Last night around 11:30 my youngest woke me up and said “daddy do you know how old I will be tomorrow?” And I said “how old, pumpkin” and she then held up four fingers.
It’s now 8:30 in the morning and my wife and I have been up with the little munchkin all night, but she won’t tell us where she got those fingers.

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Kit Kat?

1 Like

steve

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Get your wife to start a conversation with you by sitting down to listen to music, read a book or watch the news.

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My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink and went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen.
He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets.
He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward.
Eventually he was forcibly removed from the cinema.

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31 Likes

Just saw on the news that Geoff Boycott is auctioning the bat with which he scored his 100th century.
I imagine the bidding will be very slow.

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That’s not actually a joke though is it Tony?

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More of an observation James.

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Strictly is back on the telly.
When the judges opinion and vote segments on, that could be a great opportunity to start a discussion about the new technology behind the latest release of washing machines.

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America’s in a mess but it was always fake. When in Dallas in the 80s I went to see the Cowboys against the Bears. It wasn’t the blood bath I was hoping for.

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He writes all his own material.

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I went to the local swimming pool the other day , and while I was having a wee in the deep end ( as you do ), the lifeguard blew his whistle that hard , I nearly fell in .
Sent to me by my ten year old granddaughter !

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Another chuckle from those guys in Ciren’.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshipper…he sold his soul to Santa.

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I took my goldfish to the vet this morning.
“I think it’s got epilepsy” I told the vet.
The Vet took a look - “It seems calm enough to me”.
I said, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

21 Likes